[ A.H.M.L Inc. ]

2011-12-31T00:00:00.008+08:00

my 2011.

i didnt get into my fitness regime - getting fat instead.
i didnt save a whole load of money - at least i'm not in debt.

i didnts vs i dids.

1) 35000 feet.
i'm still at it. I thank God for blessing me to be in something which i enjoy and never will regret. blessings. i couldnt have done it without God, people should know the challenges and struggles i had.

and 2011, IFT - a big step, and so far so good, i'm enjoying the position. i know i said 2 years, but now, i don't know how many.

my Good friday tour - PER

i went to Rotorua - AKL

mission bay - AKL

IFT training - BKK

my first training - MEL

handpicked for the first PEK - SIN flight

Great Wall - PEK

forbidden city - PEK

Dinner & Dance 2011 - SIN

and because of these blessing, i found...

2) a gem.

i thought that would be my happily ever after. someone who shares the same belief and goes to the same church, a big bf 周's fan, same industry. same yet so different. my own insecurities killed the r/s, the way he dealt with it after ended up in a big mess. awkward mess.

his friends mocked at me, my girlfriends bitched abt him.

that was from his twitter and that was and will be the last (I PROMISE) that i ever read any of his stuff.

mentioning to the whole world that he doesnt want to see me on his flt. i'm hurt. it seems like, i was wrong to fall in love, with him. i couldnt swap away that flt because i was having training, if he didnt want to see me, he could have swap that flt away. he didnt. so what now? should i swap away future flts with him so that i dont have to hear and/or see things like that? or should i just go ahead for flt and make myself a bitch?

if he doesnt want to see me on flt, i rather he tell me.

trust me, i was that close to ask him abt his tweets. really close. but i held my tongue, i dont know if i should be glad that i didnt. because it might make things worst but the lingering thoughts.... *pouts*

love, detest.
thanks but no thanks.

God has his plans, and to be totally honest, i lost faith (in a way) in love.
until the genuine God sent comes along, i believe, i will still be, the singular Angela.

i dont know if he or his friends still read my blog, but i reckon, e content will spread one way or another. i hope the awkwardness will go away and we can still be friends.

忘，因为（你）已经是过去式
一定要幸福，虽然我曾经希望能给你幸福的是我
=)

and because of this gem, i found more love from...

3) girlfriends, girl-leagues - my angels

bestie (who recently got engaged) - one of the random lunch date.

dar - in TPE for my birthday

eve - at zoukout

POEPS - at house
(wifey, maddie, kathleen, joy, yasi, ali - they get alot more shit because they are all on my twitter *OPPS*)

the jetters aka girl-leagues
(Adrina, Ash, Joleen, Rhi)

he mentioned before that i placed my angels above him, and i would prob save them first if both parties are drowning.

yes and no.
yes i would save them first.
no i suck at swimming.

every troubles and down time in life, i know i can always fall back into their comfort, their friendship. they mean so much to be because i know no matter how wreck i am, they wouldnt turn around and walk away. they stay, whether or not they can provide any help - they stay.

they dont leave me stranded and wounded. they gave me the most support in all situations. they dont spoil me silly, they wont hesitate to chide me when i'm being a bitch - that's what friends are for.

dont hate my friends for being bitchy (especially with the dramas) because i would have done the same.

it's hard to express my love for them. with them i know i dont have to explain the rumors, because they know me well enough to ignore the nonsense. with them, i know i dont have to speak up for myself, they are willing to do it for me anytime to anyone, anywhere.

with them, i know i'm not alone, will never be alone.
and with them 我可以没有爱情，but 不可以没有她们

maybe, i dont need a guy at all - yes.
because i have seen guys who walk in and walk out of my life even faster than saying 'i love you' my girlfriends? they make an effort to stay, once they decided to walk in.

sometimes i feel that i'm not good enough to deserve these angels - thank you for every effort, thank you, thank you, thank you.

4) my famies (no, they are never the last on my priority list)

mummy is still recovering, God is always walking with the family. mummy is into yoga, karaoke-ing, dancing - she's even busier than me! but whenever i'm home, she tries to make yummy soup (because i'm a sucker for soup) and whatever i've craving for.

daddy, everyone knows he's my knight in shiny armor. no matter how late i reach home and how tired he is, he makes sure that i've my meals. he comes home from work tired but still help me with the luggage to cab. i know he always wanted me to stop flying because he feels that it's too hard on me and he would really love to spend more time with me.

the sister. i prob spend more time in my own bed then see her (because she's one workaholic, imagine going back to work a day after your wisdom tooth surgery, with a swollen face) that's my sister. someone who will always be there if i need anything, someone whom i can ran to every time.

--
2012.

saving is a must
staying in shape is another.
able to find my man would be a bonus.

quoting from a colleague "i dont want to find a bf, i want to find a husband"

2012.
blessed and be blessed.
AMEN.

--
p/s: this is a post-dated entry (as usual) because from the looks of it i'm up there somewhere at 12mids.

and this, will be my very last post.
decided against to say 'follow me' on tumblr, i'm loving the me-myself-and-my-friends space there.

Happy New Year.
Happy 2012.

2011-12-07T17:18:00.003+08:00

对。的。人。

你问在我心中是否还苦恼
那次受伤否决了爱的好
谢谢你的关照我一切都好
一个人不算困扰

爱虽然很美妙
却不能为了寂寞
又陷了泥沼

爱要耐心等待仔细寻找
感觉很重要
宁可空白了手等候一次
真心的拥抱
我相信在这个世界上一定会遇到
对的人出现在眼角

那次流过的泪
让我学习到
如何祝福如何转身不要
在眼泪体会到
与自己拥抱
爱不是一种需要是一种对照

爱虽然很美妙
却不能为了寂寞
又陷了泥沼

爱要耐心等待仔细寻找
感觉很重要
宁可空白了手等候一次
真心的拥抱
我相信在这个世界上一定会遇到
对的人出现

能愿意为了一份爱付出去多少
然后得到多少并不计较
当我想清楚的时候
我就算已经准备好
放手去爱海阔天高

爱要耐心等待仔细寻找
感觉很重要
宁可空白了手等候一次
真心的拥抱
我相信在世界上一定会遇到
对的人出现

－－
当时转身太慢
桃花，有花但没结果。

:)
Thanks for reading whoever you are.
Leaving the things behind (and hopefully along with the -ve emotions), this will be history.

P/S: don't bother looking for the new space, because chances are you're not so smart unless you know me really well *smirks*

Again, thanks for loving me (whether it is you being nosy or u are geniunely concern)
I appreciate it.

Xoxo,
:)

2011-12-05T15:57:00.002+08:00

finally, 那些年，我们一起追的女孩
我哭惨了。

"因为被你喜欢过，所以总觉得其他人没有那么喜欢我"
i guess, everyone has the someone from 那些年 - 那些年, 我深深地爱过

因为，有过轰轰烈烈的过去，所以觉得没有人可以给我一样的幸福
after all these years, 好久好久

i love the movie!
and with bf 周's song? =)

and now, i just have to finish reading the book
*grins*

恋爱，本来就应该这样
laughter and tears, but at e end of the day, it's love.

--
switching over, tried tumblr some time ago, didnt like it.
but giving it another shot.

i will miss this place, i will come back for a visit.
or maybe staying till dec and start afresh, but whatever it is,

all the memories, will stay.
=)

2011-12-04T22:37:00.000+08:00

tumlr.
which to find nice layout? =(

2011-12-03T08:38:00.002+08:00

Happiness :)
Someone had me going to the airport an hour early for late lunch. Sounda familiar, but nope it's same same yet different...

--
对的时间，错的人
Vs
错的时间，对的人

I guess e latter is more upsetting, because u know that he's e suitable one but not meant to be.

Nope if you'r guessing, e someone above is neither.
Just friends.

He wouldn't date me because he thinks that I very 不顾形象, and to me, IF he wants to date me, he must accept e tak-glam me. And I love to eat, he's 'wants to gain wgt but not get fat' - don't ask me, I don't understand it either.

Sigh, to find someone who accepts me as myself, really that hard?
*pouts*

I'm rattling because I'm wide awake for random reasons after a 10 hrs flt.
That's un-me, I know

So next in line please, ah shit, no one?! :(
Maybe I shld join single mingles or smthing.

--
可能已经不是喜欢，而是想念
可能只是觉得可惜

Opportunities. Shld I?
Lacking of e push factor - girlfriends r pushing though, push harder can?

--
Silly, trying not to be.
最毒夫人心，当我真正放弃时，你可能会觉得我是最无情的人，so till then, enjoy the niceness while it last :)

2011-12-01T22:22:00.003+08:00

tired.
being a healthy kid, i slept before mids the past 2 days and woke up before noon - i'm so going to suffer when i'm back for work =(

busy bee.
i wished i had more than 8 off days.

headed off to raffles to have lunch with dar. being surronded by men in tailored shirts and ties - WOHOO! i've always like guys in tailored shirt and ties =)

short 2 hours for lunch, but time well spent.
because of the common friends - "birds of a feather flock together"

spent time with myself, shopped in town.
stepped foot into H&M (SIN) for the first time, couldnt find e coat i saw in PEK (my 1/2 A saw the same coat and it's e last one, so i gave it up, thinking that i might be able to find it in SIN) *WHINES*

but i still manage to get some basics (for PEK's weather), at least something i guess.
talking abt PEK, i want to go forbidden city next, hopefully i have company, but then again, not as if i cant do it myself.

then, it's across the border (again, and yes ALONE)
dont start fussing and be paranoid, been that done that so it's really not an issue to me.
and as usual, uncle HOO gives me the best discounts on lenses. ever.
of course, shoes (or rather flats) is a must =)

*grins*

--
i always have random thoughts, maybe i shld carry a notebook and pen it down as and when.

time to de-clutter,
making room for the best.

2011-11-30T23:40:00.003+08:00

Love never fails.

went for my first cell today - better way to spend my wed nights as compared to getting wasted (i still can go for drinks now, and doesnt mean that i always get wasted. FINE, i dont have people to ladies' night with me, happy?)

miracles oh miracles
everything happens for a reason, everything is God's planning and it's always for e better.

miracles.
removing everything of him - i dont want to feel anything abt him.
wifey says it's ok because i'm afterall a human being, but it sucks feeling for him, especially knowing that he's not worth it. it sucks knowing that i'v e a soft spot for him somehow.

i dont want my heart to skip a beat when i see people commenting on his fb
i dont want my heart to skip a beat when i see people mentioning his name
i dont want my heart to skip a beat when i see him
i dont want my heart to skip, for him ever. period.

yes it still does.
yes, i still miss you, even after striking you off the IMY-list.
it's irritating.

so God, please?
pretty pretty please?

ah yes, the +ve vibe didnt last long
*pouts*

SIGH.

--
God is planning the best for me.
God is planning the best for me.
God is planning the best for me.
God is planning the best for me.
God is planning the best for me.
God is planning the best for me.
God is planning the best for me.
God is planning the best for me.
God is planning the best for me.
God is planning the best for me.
God is planning the best for me.
God is planning the best for me.
God is planning the best for me.
God is planning the best for me.
God is planning the best for me.
God is planning the best for me.
God is planning the best for me.

*wails*
go away please?

--
我也想拥有幸福，幸福的另一半
但事实，幸福得来不易。

colleague asked if i prefer western or asian, for a min i really thought she was talking abt favourite cuisine

i go for God sent.
be it "western" or "asian", he'll be my gem.
=)

--
it's time i pick up some cooking skills.
i was really flustered in akl when they were busy helping, and they laughed because they had never seen the garang me (on flt) flustered.

=(

okie, time for bed after my bottle.
feeling, a lil blue.

*POUTS*

2011-11-30T09:27:00.002+08:00

Today is a winding road that's taking me
To places that I didn't want to go, whoa
Today in the blink of an eye
I'm holding on to something
And I do not know why I tried

I tried to read between the lines
I tried to look in your eyes
I want a simple explanation
For what I'm feeling inside
I gotta find a way out
Maybe there's a way out

Your voice was the
Soundtrack of my summer
Do you know you're unlike any other?
You'll always be my thunder

I said, your eyes
Are the brightest of all the colors
I don't wanna ever love another
You'll always be my thunder
So bring on the rain
And bring on the thunder

Today is a winding road, tell me where to start
And tell me something I don't know, whoa
Today I'm on my own, I can't move a muscle
And I can't pick up the phone, I don't know

And now I'm itching for the tall grass
And longing for the breeze
I need to step outside
Just to see if I can breathe
I gotta find a way out
Maybe there's a way out

Your voice was the
Soundtrack of my summer
Do you know you're unlike any other?
You'll always be my thunder

And I said, your eyes
Are the brightest of all the colors
I don't wanna ever love another
You'll always be my thunder
So bring on the rain

Yeah, I'm walking on a tightrope
I'm wrapped up in vines, I think we'll make it out
But you just gotta give me time
Strike me down with lightning
Let me feel you in my veins
I wanna let you know how much I feel your pain

Today is a winding road that's taking me
To places that I didn't want to go, whoa

Your voice was the
Soundtrack of my summer
Do you know you're unlike any other?
You'll always be my thunder

And I said, your eyes
Are the brightest of all the colors
I don't wanna ever love another
You'll always be my thunder

And I said, your voice was the
Soundtrack of my summer
Do you know you're unlike any other?
You'll always be my thunder
So bring on the rain
Oh, baby bring on the pain
And listen to the thunder

--
bad start to my off days.
woke up in e morning, had a tiff with mum and ended up in tears.

FML.

2011-11-28T17:06:00.002+08:00

I walked along the beach, took silly pics, had yummy brunch, went on 'mission' trips in the city, had yummy dinner - above all, I had someone to do all of that with me :)

"Does angry bird remind you of him?"
Yes it does, I guess how hello kitty reminds me of him. Or maybe he has forgotten it all. But it doesn't matter. I don't have to know how happy he is now, all I care about is how happy I am and will be from now on.

那得起，就要放的下
Slowly, gently, minimising the impact.

I'm amazed how e love of others can grow so strong.
5 yrs of long dist - my r/s can't even by pass the 3 mths mark.
But then again, it's e yrs that make people 放不下

是习惯，还是爱情？

Hurtful words and maybe memories.
I found a box of e favourite manuka honey cookie - reminded me of our first flt tog as a couple. He walked to e aft to pass it to me. I know, how sweet.

Finding a +ve side of anything or anyone, another virgo trait?

Falling in love with e most unexpected person at e unexpected time.
It's ok, e God sent will be coming along :)

Don't be upset that he's no longer in my life, be happy that I can look forward to someone more worthy - girlfriends please applause at my thougt! :)

Like I always say 爱我的人真的很多，心疼我的人也不少。没必要为了不懂得珍惜我的人而感到心灰意冷。
Yes, very positive today and I hope it stays.
And e next time I bump into him (if ever), I'll be nice and say Hi.

Almost e end of e year, 旧的不去，新的不来 :)
Hopefully someone in time to spend christmas?
If not, hello love in 2012 - you came a bit late, but better late than never :)

2011-11-27T08:07:00.003+08:00

周杰伦 on e repeat, theraputic after e long back of clock flt.
I give up on e new apple OS, I can't even backup my itouch, don't talk abt loading e new songs.

:(

My PEK.
The consolations - knowing that I got hand-picked for the flt, paxing up having 2 nights, awesome crew, 3 batchies, great wall, peking duck, comfy hotel room.

Not exactly looking forward to my next PEK. Training is one thing, e people on board is one thing. God, u answered my prayers a lil too late. But then with e avls, anything might happen :)

And like I say, bring it on.

The downs (cursed of first flts) - singaporean being rude doubting my english language skills, realising that my mandarin sucks (I'm thinking to talk to boss to 'down-grade' myself), culture-shock, weather-shock (been coughing and sniffling), bad turbulence, pax fainting, crazzzzzyyyyyy!

Sleepy.

I don't have to start dating anyone to prove that I've moved on (I don't know if I have, but I want to pursuade myself so), I don't need to have someone sending me flowers (or anything in fact) to prove to him that I'm attractive and it's his loss.

Don't have to.
Virgos don't hate, they just cut people off and that's exactly what I'm doing.
I want to feel indifferent.

It's silly how some girls 'try' to commit suicide.
If you can't love and treasure yourself, how can u expect someone to love and treasure you?

That is of course my own thoughts.

Too tired.
Good night, xoxoxoxo!

2011-11-25T00:45:00.002+08:00

喝酒的伴一起看電影的伴
早午晚餐的那個伴
朋友不能留得太晚明天要上班
唱K的伴一起去旅行的伴
聽懂我的笑話的伴
我的生活只差那個人就美滿

快樂少一人分享快樂就只剩一半
喝一碗湯
心怎麼都不夠暖
這張被單這張睡床
再舒服都覺得太寬
沒人分享幸福就只剩一半
就算把日子都填滿
節日卻提醒我孤單

沒有想法有想法又能怎樣
只能寫部落格整晚
幾個留言安慰不了心裡的遺憾
沒有負擔原來也是種負擔
自由多得讓人心慌
你羨慕我那要不要跟我交換

快樂少一人分享快樂就只剩一半
喝一碗湯心怎麼都不夠暖
這張被單這張睡床
再舒服都覺得太寬
沒人分享幸福就只剩一半
努力把日子都填滿
別來提醒我多孤單

快樂少一人分享快樂就只剩一半
喝一碗湯心怎麼都不夠暖
這張被單這張睡床
再舒服都覺得太寬
沒人分享幸福就只剩一半
就算把日子都填滿
沒人知道我多孤單

一半
我的另一半

--
Hello SIN, see you in abit.
Freezing, and I'm falling sick :(

2011-11-23T23:11:00.003+08:00

I am loving PEK (for now)! :)
Maybe it's e crew that I have. 3 batchies - just like IFT all over again. Thank God I'm doing the first flt back and not the first flt out, because e crew -.- (OPPS!)

It's freezing, and e first thought was someone will enjoy the cold weather.
Had pek duck for dinner, and it cost us like only 20odd for the feast (how to not love pek?)

Hotel has in-room wifi, not that I really need it but I think many other crew will appreciate it :)

Talking abt which, everyone's asking me how come I'm on data roaming all e time. Because I like e convenience! I don't have to get an additional sim card, I can use it in jpn and now in china! :)

My bill is not cheap, yes.
But if money can bring me closer to the close to hearts, it's a-ok!

--
Yak and yak and yak and yak.
4 people squeezing into 3 seats, :) :) :)
If only I can pick e crew for every flt, life will be so much easier.
Can we have a perferred to fly with list?

Sidenote.
Someone commented that because I didn't play hard to that, that's why I'm (or rather the r/s) is not being treasured.

Was it really that case?
I still want to believe that he is different. But maybe I'm wrong, he's just like any one of them.

Big sigh.

Tiny hope.
I shouldn't, I know.

Play hard to get.
I'm not 18 when I have all e time in e world for these 'mind games' - what happen to just falling in love and sticking through thick and thin?

Play hard to get.
Yes, I've been thinking abt it the whole day.
Was it really me?

--
How come some guy really struggle to give up on a r/s, but I got dumped just like that? :(

Ok, drinking time!
In my room!

2011-11-22T21:56:00.001+08:00

tumblr or wordpress?

2011-11-22T02:44:00.002+08:00

Bedok 85 for supper - stingray, kang kong, bcm, chicken wings, sugar cane.
Nothing beats local delights after 10 days!

To prove our pt, lublub and I were that close to have hokkien mee in oz today. Yes we were that desperate.

Having 10 days with her is a blessing, but nothing beats being home :)

Drove past 102 on e way to lublub's place.
Hmmmm...

Thank u lublub + bf for the supper and ride home.
I too want someone to pick me up from flt, and would be nice if that someone is planning for EC. HAHA!

Crew asked me what's my type.
Lublub rattled off - she knows me well.
I'm so comfortable with her around that I can fall asleep while she is there watching deal or no deal.

If only I can date her.
Kidding!

I'm not hard to understand. I know her barely a year?
I guess it's just how much effort one wants to put in.

So to the potential guys out there,
I'm a girl, just a girl - maybe not so much like your girl next door, but :)

History.

P/s: as usual, I'm blogging in e wee hours because hair is still wet. Maybe I shld invest in air dryer soon.

Pp/s: I'm prepping for PEK :) hopefully I won't have to end up hanyupinyin-ing e PAs, abit malu. PEK is freezing by e way :s

2011-11-21T09:47:00.006+08:00

3rd party.
I want a 3rd party in my r/s - GOD.

--
Finally, after 9 days of flt, I can 自然醒 today.
In my huge ass room, melodie by my side, songs still playing from my itouch.
I'm still stuck 4+ hours away from SIN (if u're lost, flt home was cancelled yest, forced to stay here for another night, I really want to get home...)

Lublub is 5 doors down e corridor, wonder if she's awake - I know we'r sounding like couple, I lost count of the number of times we say the same thing at e same time. It's awesome God-sent angels like that who makes work enjoyable :)

No big nights, we snuggle in with moscato, wedges and foreign films. Her bf will prob flip, HAHAHA! Oh, did I mention that she's so in love now? :)

Happily in love.
And I'm happy for her.

Oh yes, I want God to matchmake and be my 3rd party.
At e end of e day, nothing beats someone praying with you and for you esp in times of trouble.
And, I always wanted a church wedding.
And, I always believe that sharing e same faith is important.
And, I always know God gives me e best and of course I'm e best to my other half.
And, I know the importance of God

Wait patiently, still praying for it.
The God sent will come, I know :)

Mondays,
No blues :)

2011-11-19T20:11:00.002+08:00

处女座的热情可以把你融化，处女座的冷漠可以让你对自己产生怀疑，处女座的霸道往往叫你无可奈何，处女座的聪慧让你连连叹息，处女座的冒失让你斜线三条，处女座的固执让你火冒三丈，处女座的幽默让你觉得人生并没有那么多不快，处女座故装的坚强会让你产生想疼惜的念头…

Saw this from FB, 我希望是这样
有人疼惜

2011-11-17T22:11:00.002+08:00

墙上静止的钟是为谁停留
是不是和我一样赖着不走
你说故事已经结束很久
我忘了向前走

我努力假装现在过得很好
现在的你看来已不需要我
也许在不同的时空
还牵着你的手

想知道你真的过得好吗
没有我也许是种解脱
将思念穿梭在宇宙数千光年
悄悄到你身边

现在我试着习惯一个人过
也许你已经开始新的生活
陪着我的叫做寂寞
陪你的是谁呢

也许在不同的时空
还牵着你的手

- 你好吗 (周杰伦)

and i fall in love with this song and prob the person who sings this to me...
- 世界未末日

這街道在下陷　我們就快失去了家園
你我卻都沒有埋怨　將眼淚停格瞬間
街景摧毀　我內心卻不輕易撤退
滿天風雪　我們會微笑去面對

我牽著你的手　一路穿梭在城市路口
就算故事到了盡頭　我們也絕不退縮
快轉風景　被一再提醒失去森林
落葉聲音　停不住我們的關心

就算是世界要崩潰
親愛的我也絕不會落淚
不放棄愛過的那種感覺
珍惜著有你記憶的一切

就算是世界要傾斜
親愛的我也絕不說離別
儘管末日威脅再強烈
有愛就不累

我牽著你的手　一路穿梭在城市路口
就算故事到了盡頭　我們也絕不退縮
快轉風景　被一再提醒失去森林
落葉聲音　停不住我們的關心

就算是世界要崩潰
親愛的我也絕不會落淚
不放棄愛過的那種感覺
珍惜著有你記憶的一切

就算是世界要傾斜
親愛的我也絕不說離別
儘管末日威脅再強烈
有愛就不累

--
nope, not emo.
be glad that i'm back to my old self.

reporting from KIX, lublub is in e lobby face-timing with the bf... (AWWWWW~)
things you do for love, someday i'll find someone who deserves my 'sacrifices' but till then, i shall be nice to myself =)

wasted too much time (PUI!)
-.-

--
random things and people who keep me sane.

9 and 9

be my berry friend?

dar

msn (yes, i still use it)

fb!

and of course whatsapp.

--
another song on repeat - 错的人 -

明知道爱情并不牢靠
但是我还是拼命往里跳
明知道再走可能是监牢
但是我还是相信只是煎熬

朋友都劝我不要不要
不要拿自己的幸福开玩笑
但是做人已经那么累
假惺惺的想要逃

在爱里连真心都不能给
这才真的真正的可笑

爱得太真太容易让自己牺牲
太容易让自己沉沦
太容易不顾一切满是伤痕
我太笨明知道你是错的人
明知道这不是缘分
但是我还奋不顾身

但我相信有点可能
可能在爱里面这样算笨
可能永远没有所谓永恒
但是我不愿放弃这里面一点点可能
宁愿笨也不想要悔恨

--
爱我的人，真的好多
不想再遇到错的人，真的太浪费时间和精力

因为实在输不起，所以不想再动情
害怕有一天动了情有扑空，划不来

好友都有对象，为她们高兴， but that also means i have to share their love with other halves.
BOO! *pouts*

been really careless nowadays, lost mummy earrings then dar's present for me.
now i'm really hesitating to use Mr Sng's pen or shld i get my swaroski hello kitty?

shld i or shld i not?
hmmm hmm hmmmmm....

and yes, very obviously i'm prepping myself for pek (since they roster me for the whole of dec for it), lublub and i were looking at the PA and had abit (JUST ABIT) of struggle doing it.

but thank God, i single stripe, good luck to jiak kang tangs and non-mandarin speaking.
HIAK HIAK HIAK!

2011-11-16T19:27:00.001+08:00

想笑　來偽裝掉下的眼淚
點點頭　承認自己會怕黑
我只求　能借一點的時間來陪
你卻連同情都不給

想哭　來試探自己麻痺了沒
全世界　好像只有我疲憊
無所謂　反正難過就敷衍走一回
但願絕望和無奈遠走高飛

天灰灰　會不會　讓我忘了你是誰
夜越黑　夢違背　難追難回味
我的世界將被摧毀　也許事與願違

累不累　睡不睡　單影無人相依偎
夜越黑　夢違背　有誰肯安慰(難追難回味)
我的世界將被摧毀　或許頹廢也是另一種美

whirlpool of emotions all over again.
*curse and swear*

2011-11-16T04:35:00.003+08:00

我口袋裡　還有你給的溫馨
我的手心　還有你吻的氣息
低低的雲　讓想念的人喘不過氣
而你的背影　會在哪裡平靜

跟蹤記憶　我才能和你接近
除了可惜　眼淚沒有聲音
有一些人　容易動情也容易忘情
我愛過了你　心永遠在那里

好想好好愛你　這一句話只能藏成秘密
關上窗外的雨　反覆觸碰你愛過的痕跡
好想好好愛你　卻沒有權利再把你抱緊
從今以後　如果你能快樂　就別管我想你
（想對你說　You're always be my love　我還是好想你）

--
Randoms on repeat.
Mental note: e feelings are mutual, I also buay gian.

Another random,
是不是找到一个肯为你付出的人，其他的都无所谓？

2011-11-13T23:37:00.002+08:00

Many random thoughts (like what's new)

--
A short to the taxi stand, e extra few mins with my dad.
He said he didn't see me much with only 1 off day. I know, he wanted so much to sit n watch telly, but instead he changed and jagar my bags.

How can I be so selfish?
Everyone has been telling me that I should think of myself and it's my life. But sometimes I feel that if it makes my parents happy by staying on ground, maybe I shld just do it...

And with my lousy roster, I really want to cry...
*whines*

Sigh.

--
Been some time since I had nice colleagues to talk to.
And with your own batchie as e boss, you end up yakking and yakking away - the flight seemed so much bearable with that..

Then I had my 1/2 A in e hotel, along with awesome colleagues.
Dinner + gelato + more in room gossip session.
I'm a happy girl.

If only we can list e crew whom we prefer to work with and they can roster us according to that - I would whine less definitely.

But of course life is never fair.

--
明白事理的人不会相信谣言
He gave me a hug e moment he saw me and rolled his eyes at many things.
Thank God for angels like that, I feel so love.

Bring it on world!
You, yes you.

2011-11-12T14:00:00.002+08:00

I don't rmb when was the last time when I actually puke aft drinks.
Bad bad bad. Tsk tsk.
But thankfully I had wifey with me, feel so bad.

Hang over.
No fun :(
And I don't actually rmb we drank that much or I admit I'm a lousy drinker.
LOL!

And no, it wasn't that I'm upset that's why I got myself drunk.
I was in very good mood yest! Went to reachlight with wifey (yes, travelled alllll the way to tamp) had a good time, really 一针见血 sermon.

Couples have problems aft marriage sometimes because they still bring their singlehood into the r/s. Whether it is marriage or not, u have to 把很多的自己丢掉 but sad to say, not many understands e concept. Maybe that includes me.

Ahem wifey, time to go church regularly!
Tee hee hee...

And so, no. I wasn't upset.
I'm glad that I got out of a r/s. Because we are so different and I guess it would end up bad sooner or later. Was so bent on making it work, but then again, needs 2 hands to clap. I now don't have to fuss abt many things, most imptly, I can focus on myself again :)

Someone told me I need 时间 and 新欢, and my 时间不够长，新欢不够好, that's why.
-.-

--
Sigh, I have to work today *pouts*
Can someone pack my bags for me please?

But but but, I have lublub for the 9 days and finally jpn! :)
And I promise I won't drink for the 9 days - WON'T

Still thinking if i shld request for long flts only.
Because I know I'll prob get grouchy with all e long flts but if short flts, I no like akl. Then how?

I know, ask my dad to 养我, and I have thoughts abt going back to sch.
Yet to talk to dad, will decide on what I shld study and where, then psycho!

--
Time to get out of bed and start packing.
Chilly jpn here I come! :）

我想就这样牵着你的手不放开
爱能不能够永远单纯没有悲哀
我想和你骑单车
我想和你看棒球
想这样没担忧唱着歌一直走
我想就这样牵着你的手不放开
爱可不可以简简单单没有伤害
你靠着我的肩膀
你在我胸口睡着
像这样的生活我爱你你爱我

－简单爱

2011-11-11T14:55:00.001+08:00

will be seeing wifey in a bit,
happy shalala!

*beams*

2011-11-09T17:21:00.002+08:00

C R A M P S
=S

--
"When you keep your eyes on Christ,
everything will come into focus." - Our daily bread.

Faith.
That God is waiting for the most appropriate time to answer my prayers.
Amen :)

Christmas - I wonder where will I be.
Time to get cards for e favorites!
:)

Yes, smiling a lot more nowadays.
:)

2011-11-08T19:06:00.002+08:00

"分手，只需要一个人同意，但在一起。可是需要两个人同时的认可才能作数"
－那些年，我们一起追的女孩

Wanted to watch the movie when I was in tpe...
It's finally in sin :) hopefully I've time to catch it.

Random chats with colleague on flt, she thinks that men in singapore are kind and gentle.

I raised my eyebrow and rolled my eyes - because she has yet to meet ungentlemen, self-centred, egoistic ones. (No, not talking abt anyone in particular, just saying)

Randoms, what's with corky apple users?
This crew came up to me and said oh that's your new phone? Nothing fantastic, apple is e best.

Huh? You childish or what?
Boo u back!

--
Never compare, but it's just human nature.
Was rattling on with him how he's a workaholic, then he said, to earn more money so that can bring me for more yummy food.

I smiled to myself.
Ok. Maybe there are still nice, single, straight guys around.

But but but, I know what's on your mind.
No, not even close to what u'r thinking and no, he is not from work - been that done that, will never date someone from here again..

Of course being a skeptic, I'm not going to jump into things.

Different. Quite different.
Different, in a good way :)

--
Friday, can't wait.
Hello wifey! :)

2011-11-07T02:54:00.002+08:00

one of the rare wkends and plus it's a public hols and plus it's sunday.
=)

my date out:

got picked up at my house to town for tintin.
walked from cine to 313 and back because i wanted yami yogurt and i refused frolick.
spent time in kino before dinner because i wanted to get some more reads.
drove to serangoon for house of seafood because i had cravings for seafood.
went to east coast for desert because salted caramel and ah chew were closing
took a stroll along east coast park before settling down at HK cafe for my cheena deserts.
'stole' the melody from the car because it's too adorable.
sang random songs in e car out loud.
sent home and walked me to door step.

It's nice to have company for random things.
:)

p/s: tintin is good, really hilarious and i forsee a part 2. and i want a cute doggie too!

--
do i really have to work tml?
MONDAY BLUES BIG TIME!

2011-11-06T02:40:00.002+08:00

boyfriend =)

--
St James has got nice music, surprisingly.
looking at e skinny girls in bodycon dresses. SIGH, can i be that skinny also? i need to drop like 10 kg =(

and today, i had spirits instead =S
i remember dar asking me if i wished i dont hold my liquor so well, actually, sometimes i do. i wished i could just get tipsy and do all e silly things.

wide awake still.

what happen to nice gentleman guys?
endangered or extinct?

if you have been out drinking with me and the quads you prob would know why i'm still single, and people are always surprised that i'm in the service line.

why why why?
service line cannot have fun and filled with nonsense during nights out?
-.-

and all for good fun, just drink la. cant tahan some guys who try to siam drinking.
if i'm a girl, and i can drink without making noise, why some guys do lei?
and plus, it's not call drinking game for no reason.

play game and drinking goes together.
fair?

that's why i'm really anal when it comes to drinking, and the quads are the quads for years because we 'fit'

and till now, i still laugh at guys who dont believe that girls can drink very well and try to bottoms up. sigh, i dont want to see drunkard man, but if you want, 老娘奉陪！

--
can impossible be a maybe?
what makes impossible a maybe?

random itouch repeats -

談起關於你的話題
終於可以不用缺席
甚至還表現得不再關心
從前你是傷的痕跡
現在不過是場回憶
忽遠忽近

我怕的是低潮來襲
這城市哪裡夠隱密
藏住我突然想哭的情緒
寧願失去鬥志勇氣
好過和你冷戰推擠
這樣誰輸得起

原來分手是需要練習的
等時間久了會變勇敢的
你慢慢出走我漸漸放手
這不就是我們要的自由

原來分手是需要練習的
等傷口好了會變輕鬆的
海闊天空不殘留一點痛
回頭看怕懦弱往前走怕墜落
但我一定能學會
在想你的時候不難過

and talking abt itouch, the bloody ios 5 made me lost my recent photos.
TMD! my pictures with my first trainee gone! T.T

i no like apple. and please la, icloud is like bb protect and bb protect has been ard for like a year? so what's with e hype?

--
and because i'm drunk (or rather pretending to be)
"YOU SHOULD JUST SHUT UP"

good night and good bye.

2011-11-05T01:08:00.002+08:00

Sometimes...
I feel that maybe love is too overated. Maybe I don't need a partner.
All I need is my friends to be around me, be it happy or upset moments.

And thankfully, I've this special close to heart darlings.

Still hearing things, that sucks.
/ignoring most of them, but it still kinda get to me.
There are people who 心疼 me, and I appreciate their understanding.
People who gives me a hug and tell me to 加油 brings smile to my face.
It's comforting.

I want to know a girl who would have reacted differently.
Period.

I wouldn't know the why, but I guess it's e same saying...
If I didn't date lousy ones, I wouldn't be able to recognise the awesome ones

Awesome ones will come not, I can't be sure.
But close to hearts are definitely here to stay :)

I guess, because e people around me are attached, that's why I feel a lil blue sometimes. Esp on e days or night when I needed a drink :s

Mention it many times,
Don't overestimate yourself. Don't underestimate me.
Applies to every and anyone I suppose.
So, DON'T PUSH IT!

Hello everyone, I'm Angela Hoo.
I'm a bitch and I'm extremely good at being one. I'm sorry that I'm not Ms Nice - or smthing. But at least, I'm being true to myself (ie, I'm not fake)

Hello wkends in SIN :)
Now I want a boyfriend to spend e wkends with me!
:s

2011-11-02T07:01:00.003+08:00

比想象中更痛你真的没回头
我命令眼泪不许失控
回忆不跟你走都记在我心中
我就有责任让它值得被珍重

谢谢你曾让我难过谢谢我没有想太多
当爱情左盼右顾的时候

我眼泪都笑了谁还想哭呢
再勇敢地站着找回光和热
面对你的时候我不会舍不得
因为你已是过客因为路有些曲折是美的

心碎成了沙漠就快开凿绿洲
我没有时间不知所措
你温柔的双手本就不属于我
又何必在乎它以后属于谁呢
　　
谢谢你曾让我难过谢谢我没有想太多
当爱情左盼右顾的时候

我眼泪都笑了谁还想哭呢
再勇敢地站着找回光和热
面对你的时候我不会舍不得
因为你已是过客因为路有些曲折是美的

我眼泪都笑了谁还会哭呢
来不及完美的就唱首骊歌
想起你的时候我不是卑微的
然而我没有遗憾因为我已爱过你深深的

Feel, indifferent.

--
I hate back to backs. Having e worst headache :(
Popped 2 painkillers (hate taking them) hope I'll be alright after a good sleep.

Good night favourite people!

Xoxoxo,
From my berryberry

2011-10-31T23:33:00.002+08:00

腰酸背疼，真的太辛苦了 :(
Where is e cuddle when I need it? Or rather where's e someone to give me e cuddle?

On a +ve note, it could have been worst.

"人，如果只有单身一个人，没有牵挂的时候，是不是反而比较不会寂寞？想这样有期盼可以同行得人时，是不是更寂寞？"

2011-10-29T01:05:00.002+08:00

因为是疗伤期，所以感触很多。。。。
spending a lot more time with myself, 所以想的有点多。
希望在最短的时间内整理好自己，迎接下一段恋情 - 代替“未来的他“把自己照顾好 =)

我不是不可以一个人，只是有时候会希望有个‘他’
和 girlfriends have nights out, 她们会有人接送, it's ok i hop onto a cab and will be home safe and sound.
friday night, girlfriends 都过二人世界，it's ok i get my fav soy latte from coffee bean, plug 周杰伦 in and read my book.
心情不好，it's ok, make my way down to my favourite stylist, have a hair cut, get my nails done at the salon.

一人吃饭，shopping, do random things, it's fine but quoting from a song "一个人撑伞，一个人擦泪，一个人好累”

一个人，真的有时候，好累。
再好的风景，又个人分享，感觉也会不同

after flight, 也希望有个‘他’在arrival等我，jaga my forever heavy bags.
after nights out, 也希望有个‘他’关心我安全到家了没有
after a long day, 也希望有个‘他’bring me out for food hunting.
when i'm having cramps, 也希望有个‘他’bring me hot chocolate or camomile tea.

也希望，有个‘他’

someone who will laugh when i get lost because i'm a number one 路痴
someone who will make decisions with me (like for eg: if i shld go for e retreat because my roff and star was not approved and because i dont have that many friends in christ and jie made the decision with me at e end)
someone who will tell me 'it's ok' because i can lean on him anytime, anywhere, any issues.

someone.

我不是不可以一个人
i'm just afraid that i get so used to being alone that i cant tune myself being a 'girlfriend'

因为玩不起，所以不会get into the game.
不知道要经过多少的heartaches, 才会看到彩虹。

love is irrational, i guess.
despite the guy making it clear that 'dont fall for me, because i wont fall for anyone now', there will be girls falling for that guy and not minding it.

at e end of the day, it's another round of heartaches again.
when will one ever 'learn'?

everyone is telling me to enjoy being singular =S
true that, i dont have to be responsible to anyone. i can be carefree and not be bothered abt whether the other half will mind this and that, but...

because i dont want my friends to be worried, that's why i've to be strong.
there are times when i just want to burst into tears, stay in bed and not go to work but i cant. being me, i dont want e world to think that i'm that weak.

i dont 'invite' people into my life that easily. i dont like e fact that people can just walk in and out of my life. i dont want people to walk in, meddle around, take 'my things' away and parade to the world.

because it happened before and i hate it. so the best way is to prevent it.

i miss my silly self and after all these, not everyone accepts me for who i am.
not everyone will put in the effort or rather will choose to hang on till e end.

我只是不想要辛苦的爱情了，他不需要懂得比我多，只要懂得我ｙ有多软弱。
只想谈一份很简单的感情，我喜欢他，他喜欢我，然后我们在一起的爱情。

“相信喜欢一个人，就是要为对方着想”
choose to tone myself down during fights because i know i can make very hurtful comments,
choose to not cry because it will only upset the other half further,
choose to...

“准备好了以后，再当一次女朋友”

2011-10-28T01:05:00.002+08:00

best description no?

suppose to JayBee today but since the someone is worried, wifey and i decided to dinner in SIN, instead.
random phone calls made, ta-dah!
POEPS night.

dinner and deserts.
growing fat i know, but i'm with awesome company, cant resist!

--
random bkk (as promised)

the last night in BKK =)

shiokness (or soreness) after massage

picture perfect

now i know where to get my dinner dresses

--
and r/s.
love is so blind sometimes that we cant think straight.
falling for someone is awesome, falling for someone who doesnt want to commit (while you want to) is shit.

it has come to a pt that we cant jump into r/s blindly and not care abt the world.
reality, we have to care abt the world.
r/s is btw the 2, but it affects each others' world.

the world can tell u their pt of view, but eventually, it's you.
you make e decision - you bear the consequences.
but of course, hopefully your world will be supportive (be it good or bad)

well, at least i know my world does.
*beams*

p/s: just being myself with my random ramblings, please dont mind me

--
“爱情是有尝味期限的”
“你喜欢他，需要他鼓励你继续喜欢他下去”

2011-10-27T04:25:00.002+08:00

Ssome time ago, my wed nights in sin was spent differently... Tonight I spent it with girleagues :)

After 2 days at home, I had my nights out.
Archi (because red dot was closed and we highly suspect that e boss is indian that's why) then pump room.

As usual, laughed at silly things. Whined abt a million others..

Bottomline is -
Those who matter don't care and those who care don't matter.

Decided.
Bye bye

:)

2011-10-24T22:56:00.002+08:00

"whatever God has given me, HE can take it away"

blessings.
everything else is a bonus.

--
using my berryberry, i'm a happy little girl.
i figured i'm not excited that much because i'm so used to having a berry.
and i dont have to go thru the pains of getting contacts all over again, all i did was...

1) connect berry to desktop mgr
2) connect berryberry to desktop mgr.

everything is transferred.
TADAH!

i'm a big berry fan, so dont have to tell me the awesomeness of apple.
i have itouch myself, i know how great the pdts are but hey, berry is fantastic!

now should i gmask it because i dont exactly like the silver or shld i just get a viva casing?
decisions decisions.

and what's with #uglygirlsarenotallowed on twitter?

i slept my off day away.
BAD BAD BAD =(

shouldnt feel hate, should feel indifferent.

and i'm still annoyed that i cant get my ROFF, now i dont know if i shld actually sign up for the retreat anyhows and plus e admin number that i called isnt answering.

why?
*pouts and sulks*

too lazy to do BKK pics now. but if u're on fb, you would have seen the pictures (crazy or not)
TEE HEE HEE! =)
everyone is giving jpn trip, but i dont have anything to swap.

oh oh oh and we were talking abt some crew (what else) and i really wonder why people want to associate their partner to be with SQ (be it e truth or not) i mean, why SQ?

like if i want to ever brag abt my (imaginary) bf i would prob say he's in temasek holdings or shell or something. like SQ? so what? and dont be surprise, there are actually people who are that wu-liao.

-.-

--
牵挂

2011-10-23T23:56:00.003+08:00

exhausted - lousy sleep for the past 2 nights =S
flt back home, got to church for the 3.15pm service, off to dinner with dar, i'm going to miss having sunday offs - only have got 1 in the new roster.

T.T

i got my new berry!
but i dont feel excited - having buyer's regret.
OH WELLS!
=S

common friend - good and bad.
becareful abt what you say to who, because we all have common friends.

randoms with mum -

mum: your cousin's wife is cantonese.
me: uh huh, why lei?
mum: hock chews and canto dont really match
me: huh? then hock chews match with what?
mum: with hock chews lor.
me: *stares* that means i've to date my own cousin?! because i've yet to meet other hock chew in my 25 years. and plus, mummy u not hock chew also!

--
hello off days!
*grins*

--
Lord i cry out, i need You now
more than ever before
my heart longs for You, Your love’s what i crave
it’s You i adore

so i reach out to heaven with my arms open wide
come fill me again, Lord, renew me inside

come again, Lord. wash over me
come again, Lord. restore new passion to me
cos i’m down on my knees
and i’m praying it please
restore new passion to me

2011-10-23T02:14:00.000+08:00

Last night in BKK, I'm now a certified I :)
So far so good, looking forward to the new phase of work.
Thank God for his guidance, PTL :)

Feeling really exhausted, 5 more hrs till I prepare for the flt back.
Hopefully I'll be in time for service. And my ROFF for reachlight camp is not approved. Great, so what now? Shld I go ahead and take it as it comes?

:s

I didn't slp well at all last night, I hope I'll sleep well tonight.
If not say hello to cranky me.

P/s: Flyers shld get data roaming, it's irritating to text/call for simple things. Don't waste my mooonnneeeyyyy!

Spoke to mummy this morning :)
I love BKK but can't wait to be home.

And, did I mention that I enjoyed my 3 days? :)

October is good. So far so good.
Hiccups oh hiccups, go away.

2011-10-22T00:57:00.001+08:00

我会努力加油，让未来对现在有更好的回忆
:)

Random food for thoughts -
"爱情，不是喜欢就可以成了的交易"
"两个人在一起，要丢到很多的自己"

--
Famies.
I'm blessed with wonderful people in my life. I can text and do the 'eh jie, blah blah blah' anytime, anywhere.

Be it prayer request or just randoms in my life - e sister is someone whom I really look up to.

:)
Thank God for my awesome sister :)

--
For my 2 years, I never shared a room with any colleagues. No matter how close we are, so tonight for e first time I did.

Awkward yes. Feeling uncomfortable yes.
But it's not too bad :)

Having more 'human interactions' - mummy has been saying that I'm becoming more of a loner since I started flying. Yes and no I guess. Was asking her if I shld do twin sharing or quad sharing for reachlight camp.

I wanted a 2, she say 4 is better so that I can have more company. Then I reasoned that I have always been 'alone', 4 is a little too many. She rolled her eyes.

LOL!

Being totally random.
I wanted to blog a lot more but it's too personal and it concerns other people also. Thankfully I have wifey on bbm :)

Thank God for invention of berry and data roaming!
Tee hee hee.

Good night favourite people.
:)

2011-10-22T00:57:00.000+08:00

2011-10-20T23:12:00.000+08:00

今天心情不好一整天 :(
Taken aback once again, never underestimate the power of people's words. Be it joking or not.

Bruising others to boost your own ego - humans.
Wifey said I should stop blogging here once and for all, but I don't understand why because of the issues, I have to stop.

I know there are people who still read and start judging or mocking at my posts.
Hey, there's nothing interesting - I'm Angela Hoo and I've feelings.
What is it that you want now? What can I do to make you happy?

Honestly,
What is wrong with these people?
I'm being unfair to my friends, I shouldn't let them be worried abt me.

How well do you think you know me?
And maybe to all my friends, stop reading whatever that's not meant for our eyes. Go ahead and say whatever you like, I don't want to know. Don't have to know.

DON'T HAVE TO KNOW.
If you love me and 为我好，please don't feed me anymore unnecessary information.

I figured, maybe we can never be friends - and I know people will start saying they don't need a friend like me and all.

Fine.
If you think that I'm a bitch now, you have not seen the worst side of me.

--
Visited Naraya 2 days in a row :s
My favourite A was putting back everything that I throw into the basket, that's what friends are for - reminding me that I DON'T NEED any of those and I still have a box full of unopened naraya.

Massage.
The lady super 用力！ almost died - felt e same when I went for foot reflex in TPE.
But hopefully the massage will make me sleep better...

--
I believe in sunshine after the rain.
Stop raining liao, BKK flooding (not!)

Oh, my base mgr sent me a sms before I left for BKK - "don't get ur feet wet, flooding!'"

LOL!

下一个会更好！
:)

2011-10-20T15:41:00.000+08:00

好累 on the insides.
God, please give me strength.

I don't want to know or care what others are saying. They shouldn't affect me in any way. Because they don't even know me to judge.

忍

What don't kill me will definitely make me stronger - I hope.
I need a hug, wifey I wished you were here *sulks*

Everyone makes mistakes.
I made a mistake, a super big one.

SIGH.
忍

--
Day 1 of training.
So far so good :)

Off to massage and more shopping in a bit.
:)

2011-10-20T02:25:00.000+08:00

Self justification vs self examination.
Everyday, I learn something new about myself - from someone, somewhere, somehow.

God has changed me for the better over e years (and still changing me in fact) if it was the 'old' angela I would have flipped. Justifying and defending myself at every opportunity.

But now, I learn to examine myself first.
Asking myself a mullion times if I was at fault.
Everyone has their flaws.

Being in and out of that r/s in such a short span of time, made me wonder if I'm that lousy and incapable.

Girlfriends will definitely boost my ego and morale by saying no. But I'm having self doubts - totally not me, but it really has been happening quite a bit.

Am I really that hopeless?

"不是我不好，是你不懂的欣赏我的好"
But then again, I don't need him to determine my 'worth'
He was somebody then, but he is nobody now - that's all it matters

Someone commented "see la, fall in love end up getting hurt, why fall in love in the first place? Unnecessary!"

Hello? U think I choose to fall in love to get hurt? U think I so out of my mind to let someone break my heart after so many years?

Like seriously?
:s

Life.
With the ups and downs

--
BKK :)
And I'm blogging from my awesome berry.

2011-10-18T21:35:00.002+08:00

i slept my off day away, woke up for the first meal at 3pm.
tsk tsk! screwed up body clock i know.

been trying to eat healthy, adding a cup of coffee to my daily diet (because it's suppose to be good for me) - soy latte, soy mocha and now i found another favorite, moroccan mint tea latte (soy milk instead of course)

oh! wicked musical!
dar has discounts for e tickets, time to pick a weekend in Jan to ROFF =)

did pedicure today, now i've got pretty pink toe nails.
i love getting my nails done.

blessings, in every small way.
my favourite A has got 3 nights KIX! NOT FAIR! i dont even have a 2-nighter! roster is pretty alright, doing back-to-back again. SIGH. but guess who is doing the inaugural PEK flt?

yes me.
i had this feeling that i will kena and i've been praying that i wont kena.
=S

but but but, everything is a blessing!
i get to pax up there, spend 2 nights, operate the flt back - i know, dont be jealous!
great wall of china and peking duck here i come *grins* and of course, nothing beats having batchie on flt!

Thank You LORD!
for giving me strength to piece myself together.
and for all other things that's happening.
=)

i wanted so much to text him regarding my roster.
like how stress i feel that i've a I-icon beside my name on the crew list, how i'm doing pek, how they roster me back to back AGAIN.

but i know it's all over, it doesnt matter anymore.
and it shouldnt even matter in the first place.

batchie mentioned that by the time she knew the news, it's already over.
bad news spread faster than the good ones i suppose. we were really quiet abt getting together, and i really wonder why the break-up news spread faster =S

on a recent flt:
"ANGELA! you very ego-tripping" - that's why i got dumped?
batchie and i laughed.

random note.
i know how impt is it for people to climb the corporate ladder. or like how many will wow at so-and-so doing this and that in reputable company.

honestly, i dont really care. as for now.
like, so what if someone is in the top bank dealing with million of dollars?

1) the money is not his/her to bring home at e end of the day anyways.
2) good for him/her then.

bottom line, i dont really give a shit.
i mentioned before, i dont need LVs every month - every single thing is a blessing, i'm fine without LVs. there are many things money cant buy and yes, it's more comfortable crying in BMW than on a bicycle.

but i say, it's more comfortable crying with someone else than crying alone be it bicycle or BMW.
true?

i dont care abt the corporate ladder. if i did, i wouldnt be so silly to do what i'm doing now.
i dont care who works in which bank dealing with which clientele. well, as long as they are happy.

i dont have to bring work back.
i dont have to stay till 12mids during 'peak' period.
i dont have to deal with office politics - but crew gossip can be really bad.

i might earn only 1/4 of what others are learning, but i also believe i only have 1/4 of their stress.

i love myself.
i have awesome friends who love me.

i'm very blessed.
*grins*

--
OFF to BKK tomorrow, flooding or not!
*jumps*

2011-10-18T02:13:00.002+08:00

being alone again.
i'm spending more time with the girlfriends, be it girleagues or not. if you have been on my fb, you should have seen the randoms that we have been doing.

i'm happy. getting happier.
prioritizing my list all over again. i think he ever mention that e girlfriends are top of the list and he is not. to be honest, he always has been - just that i refused to let him know. because i'm afraid that he will take 'advantage' of that. everyone has been telling me not to tell a guy how much i missed him or love him, because they turn cold faster than you snap your fingers (after knowing that fact)

but i've always been a 'i miss you' girl.
always.

he can vouch for that from the 'i miss you' i sent him - be it twitter or whatsapp or e cards. they say guys find it pressurizing. but if he's my bf and i cant even tell him that i miss him, then what more can i tell him?

point to note - i still term him as my gem. because he is definitely different from the rest of the guys i've dated and i'm feeling sorry that the gem is no longer mine.

because i'm picky?
having someone who loves God, who is willing to hold my hand and stay committed till e end.
is that considered picky?

was telling lublub today that i want to date a guy version of her - someone who understands me that well and is willing to put in that extra effort every time to make me feel loved. yes, understanding takes time. but to be honest, i dont know lublub that long either. i guess, it's e efforts.

i guess, it's because i know what i want, and because i know myself.
i dont want to hand myself to any tom, dick, harry - i want to hand myself to someone who deserves it.

been that done that, i know that handing myself to anyone will get myself bruised. i'm walking with extreme caution now. get it?

i'm too used to being 'strong' (egoistic, if you insist). it's easy for me to know someone, but it takes a lot more effort to let go and forget - i used to be e girl, who lets the someone take e lead and often, i ended up walking back to the starting myself. all by myself, wounded and bruised.

how can i not start to protect myself after all these?
how can i not?
is that being picky? or was i forced to be protective?

i need stability.
used to be the ignorant girl who gives 102943043498 missed calls, but over the years, i've learnt. once is enough, if someone is concern and bothers to make an effort, he will return the call. once is enough.

concern.
i want to see the 'future' no matter how unrealistic it might sound.
i need to know that i'm no wasting my time on some uncommitted guys who just want to 'fuck' around. i need to know, that there is actually a 'future' - a relationship with future.

am i being picky?

i spent my weekends, with the girlfriends. or sometimes with a good book in starbucks.
comforting myself that i'm perfectly capable being single.
i might forget how to behave like a girlfriend, but at least i can spend more time with myself. i can now be myself (and not some other girl), and not trying hard to be 'perfect'. it gets miserable.

i dont have to be concern how i look in front of his friends.
i dont have to be concern if his friends and gfs will like me.
i dont have to be concern if he loves me even when i'm w/o make up and messy hair
i dont have to be concern if he will dump me once i get fat and ugly in years to come
i dont have to be concern if my parents and friends will like him
i dont have to be concern if he will be happy with my choice of dinner places.
etc, etc, etc.

i just have to be concern abt myself.
and only myself.

someone to be really patient with me.
i just need someone who treats me like a gem, someone who loves me with all of his heart and mind, someone to give me security and stability, someone who is God-sent

someone.
seeing the closer ones in love, there are many occasions that i wished that i'm not alone.
have someone to pick me up from flt, someone to send me to work, someone to pigs out, someone to hold my hand, someone to give me a comforting hug, someone to listen to my whining, someone to be there no matter what.

someone.

i still miss him. sometimes.
but i also know it doesnt matter anymore.

--
other random notes:

backside itchy, i requested star for 24th and 31st dec but people have been telling me that the quota is reached and i wont get it.

then now i decided to go for reachlight camp, but can only ROFF because i submitted the star for 24th and 31st -.-

God, please make it work.
i need to renew myself spiritually.
AMEN.

2011-10-16T20:35:00.002+08:00

比想像中更痛你真的沒回頭
我命令眼淚不許失控
回憶不跟你走都擠在我心中
我就有責任讓它值得被珍重
謝謝你曾讓我難過謝謝我沒有想太多當愛情左盼右顧的時候

我眼淚都笑了誰還想哭呢
再勇敢地站著找回光和熱
面對你的時候我不會捨不得
因為你已是過客因為路有些曲折是美的

心碎成了沙漠就快開鑿綠洲
我沒有時間不知所措

你溫柔的雙手本就不屬於我
又何必在乎它以後屬於誰呢
謝謝你曾讓我難過謝謝我沒有想太多當愛情左盼右顧的時候

我眼淚都笑了誰還想哭呢
再勇敢地站著找回光和熱
面對你的時候我不會捨不得
因為你已是過客因為路有些曲折是美的

我眼淚都笑了誰還會哭呢
來不及完美的就唱首驪歌
想起你的時候我不是卑微的
然而我沒有遺憾因為我已愛過你深深的

--
"因為你已是過客因為路有些曲折是美的"
putting thoughts into words - thank you for being my gem for the 3 months. sorry for being a bitch (or whatever you want to say) and i pray, the next time i see you our "relationship" (or whatever you want to call it again) will be better.

=)
thank you.
again.

--
randoms.

i stopped asking God why. to be honest, a part of me gave up a little.
Pastor Pacer 'enlightened' me today, a reminder - God work in HIS ways not mine. if He doesnt give it to me, it just means that it's not for me.

i dont know why He placed a gem into my life and removed - within 3 mths, but it's ok.
it's all in His plans, and i should have faith.
things will be better, it's all a test.
AMEN.

forgive and repent.
that's right.

lesson learnt.
maybe, i've been single for years that i forgot it takes alot more than 'me' to build a r/s. it takes 2 hands to clap - i'm waiting for the other hand.

r/s = 2 wholes; not 2 halves coming together to build a whole.

i'm not ready for love and r/s, that's what i figured.
i still want to fall in love and have a gem to hold my hand till i'm old and ugly - someone who treats me like a perfect gem too.

just that it's not now.
i believe God is arranging it.
Ask and i will receive =)

and of course, my girlfriends.
they never leave me crying alone (not that i've shed a tear, just saying) again, they showed me how strong their love for me, how they make me laugh on random nights, how they encourage me through twitter/fb/bbm.

and then the girleagues.
from colleagues to friends - priceless treasures.

God is fair.
i might have to cope with heartaches, but he blessed me with awesome comfort.

*grins*

--
i had a tiff with mum e other day.
the whole conversation started when she asked if i'm still seeing that someone. no, i didnt tell her, she guessed it.

she concluded that it's because of flying that's why i'm still single, and i'll age alone and i'll be ugly and no one wants me and a whole load of randoms. and it's because of flying that's why that someone left and she went all e way back to ZQ. (SUPER DRAMA!)

hello? that someone also flies. so that doesnt really make sense.
and ZQ left because he's a jerk. period.

so she threw in her last cards (or rather requirements):
1) to find myself a bf - i've no idea why she's so worried when my sis dont even have the slightest sign to get married.

2) STAY ON GROUND.

daddy has been pressurizing me also.
i told the 2 years, and 2 years is up (they say) - sigh. how to say no to them?

2011-10-09T11:19:00.001+08:00

if you find the above familiar, you''ll prob know the alt hideout.

2011-10-05T15:29:00.002+08:00

Shoo! Go away!
There's nothing interesting here.

Xoxoxo,
Ms Hoo

2011-10-05T01:04:00.002+08:00

i love Mayday
*beams*

--

girl-leagues @ outback bar

POEPS @ Lenas

i'm not friends with everyone, it's a fact. in fact, there are some people whom i can never be friends with. go ahead and judge, just being honest here.

So i guess God understands that's why He blessed me with these angels at different stages. Angels who are here to stay for life, angels who are willing to stand by me and give me support throughout the darkest time, angels who say the nicest thing in the world to make me feel better, angels who wont hesitate to reprimand me when i'm in e wrong.

ANGELS
Can and will never be able to put into words, how much they mean to me. and like i always say (no matter how bad it sounds) i will never trade anything or any person for these friendship.

God blessed me with awesome famies, not doubts abt that.
so next "i dont want a boyfriend, i need a real man"

many random thoughts.
instead of trying to change the world, i should change myself.
i cant expect people not to talk or gossip abt things, but what i can choose to do it smile and walk away.
things are not suitable for my eyes, i can choose to close my eyes.

life can be simple -

having my MPF with a book at starbucks.
food hunting with the angels.
drinking with the khakis.
tweeting abt random things.
blogging abt my daily thoughts
laughing at nonsense.
snuggling in with the softies.

my life can be simple

--
October,
Angela is starting afresh

striking people off the IMY list is not easy, but i have and i will do it.
no pt i let the mail sit there in the mailbox, i clicked on the delete button.

i can see the close to hearts nodding and smiling to themselves.

Thank you for hearing or seeing my nonsense for the past few weeks, thank you for knocking sense into me but at the same time not pushing it, thank you for always being there, thank you for helping and still helping me in many ways.

thank you.

quoted from my fav Hoi -
"One will see facts as argument when one doesnt keep an open mind or accept the plain truth that slaps on the face"

2011-10-02T22:35:00.003+08:00

--
OCTOBER.

someone told me to love myself today.
disagree, being upset doesnt mean that i dont love myself.
i do love myself - if i dont, i would have committed suicide long ago.

repeat.
I DO LOVE MYSELF, but i must learn to love myself when i'm in a r/s, because that's when i get lost and place someone/something as priority.

"... the person is very important in your life. therefore, you factor him or him in all your plans because he or she has become such a part of your life. that is passion" - Lighters' Link 02 Oct 2011

3 simple statement, to express my thoughts.

--
i shall start dieting! someone talked to me abt blood grp dieting and i read up on it.
very interesting and very spot on for my blood grp.

but, that means, i have to turn vegetarian - GASP!
and being a picky eater, alot of the veg i love now i shouldnt have it - GASP!
and my seafood is gone! except for salom - GASP!
the worst, beers not allowed also - GASP!

for e sake of being healthy, i'll try!
i obviously cant turn veg overnight, cutting down the meat stuff bit by bit.
hopefully, i'll see a new me - inside and outside.

--
so irritating.
CHET!
*deep breaths*

BECAUSE OF YOU, I WAS BORN AGAIN
BECAUSE OF YOU, I’M RANSOMED BY YOUR GRACE
BECAUSE OF YOU, MY HEART HAS FOUND A HOME
REFUGE FOR MY SOUL

BECAUSE OF YOU, SINS ARE WASHED AWAY
BECAUSE OF YOU, HEAVEN KNOWS MY NAME
BECAUSE OF YOU, I CAN LIVE AGAIN
YOU’VE BROKEN EVER CHAIN

UNFAILING LOVE, SO UNRESERVED
YOU GAVE YOURSELF ON CALVARY
AND NOW I STAND, FOREVER FREE
MY SAVIOUR RESCUED ME

BECAUSE OF YOU, THE WEAK SAY “I AM STRONG”
BECAUSE OF YOU, THE BROKEN HAVE A SONG
BECAUSE OF YOU, THERE’S NO NEED TO FEAR
HOPE STEADFAST, EVER SURE

2011-10-02T03:28:00.002+08:00

dar came over after dinner with a bottle of moscato and pure blonde.
mummy is happy to see her, i can see from her smile and how she sat on my bed refusing to leave the room.

as usual, fb and blog read, chanced upon this blog,
"what kind of guy are you looking for?"

so,
what kind of guy am i looking for?

mummy not shy, asked dar to introduce guys from her workplace, somehow i understand her concern, because she's not feeling very well these few years, sometimes she thinks a lil too much that she might not be able to live till we (jie and i) get married.

my mummy wants me to be happy, and i will be...
and i'm thankful that i didnt tell her i was attached, because i have one less thing to worry abt since that r/s didnt work out well.

finding little comfort in e midst of the chaos.

"i want a guy with the same faith" - i told mummy today and yes, it is important to me.
very. important.

and liked i just tweet, someone who understands me like e girlfriends.
it's scary how they read my mind and my thoughts come out from their mouths.

for eg:
i'm waiting for my white 9810 - which i dont know when it'll be in SIN. techie friend checked with BB PR side and e response was "no news at the moment" which means, i might be waiting forever.

berry gave me a shock for 1/2 an hr today (while i was happily whatsapping and bbm-ing) and died. it's a sign i know and wifey said i shld get a new phone. i gave her a million excuses, and she ended "BECAUSE U'RE WAITING FOR THE WHITE!"

uh, yes.
a million excuses because i'm waiting for a white but i dont think current berry will be able to tahan till white

how now brown cow?
and no, no iphone. PERIOD.

--
it's not easy, but i will get there.
2 consecutive sunday at home, God is wonderful.

last sunday, i went for the 3pm service.
knowing that we might be doing the same thing at the same time, hurts a bit
but it's ok, i'll be ok.

--
dating someone new.
someone who deserves me, someone who deserves to fall in love and stay in love - with me.

2011-10-01T00:13:00.002+08:00

i wish she didnt tell me abt the random conversation, i wish i didnt know.

statements like...
"he really likes you" or
"he is really committed and wants to settle down" or
"he has the happy glow on him"

i dont want to know.
i know i should stop talking abt it, please bear with me a for a few minutes.

i dont know what's worst, knowing that he really likes me yet not willing to work it out at e end, or e fact that he actually had someone else in mind (before or after the r/s i dont know, because she refused to tell me)

so which is more upsetting?
it's a waste, she said.
not that i dont know - sometimes people should stop pointing out the obvious.

typical scorpio.
she said.

not a fan of star sign, at least not that into it.
oh wells, i dont know what i'm talking abt.

i'm more curious who that girl was.
or maybe i'll soon hear news abt him with someone new? *raises eyebrow*
silly me i know - it shouldnt and doesnt matter now.

if all that was true, it shouldnt be like that.
shouldnt.

God sends people in my life, always for a reason. i have been asking Him, why did HE choose to put someone in my life, made me really happy but, that was it. never know, never will know.

this is suppose to get easier over time.
but there are still times when i miss him, really do. like for today, we randomly talked abt how often we been on certain aircraft, and i said i rmb when was the last time i was in drw - the time when i paxed back and he was there at gate, waiting for me...

past tense.
maybe part of me is still, hoping...

2011-09-27T02:12:00.002+08:00

This is my desire, to honour You
Lord with all my heart I worship You
all I have within me
I give You praise
all that I adore is in You

Lord I give You my heart
I give You my soul
I live for You alone
Every breath that I take
Every moment I'm awake
Lord have Your way in me

This is my desire, to honour You
Lord with all my heart I worship You
all I have within me
I give You praise
all that I adore is in You

Lord I give You my heart
I give You my soul
I live for You alone
Every breath that I take
Every moment I'm awake
Lord have Your way in me

--
时间是治疗心灵伤痛的最好良药。
痛苦，需要靠我们自己去慢慢化解。
曾经爱过，伤过，痛过的记忆，会随着时间的推移渐渐淡出我们的生活。
当我们对痛苦无能为力时，唯一能做的，就是等待那些痛苦慢慢走远。
忘掉刻骨铭心的伤痛，忘掉痛彻心扉的感情，你才会在拐角处遇见幸福。

還是要幸福

2011-09-26T01:23:00.002+08:00

不確定就別親吻感情很容易毀了一個人
一個人若不夠狠愛淡了不離不棄多殘忍

你留下來的垃圾我一天一天總會丟完的
我甚至真心真意的祝福永恆在你的身上先發生

你還是要幸福你千萬不要再招惹別人哭
所有錯誤從我這裏落幕別跟著我銘心刻骨

你還是要幸福我才能確定我還得很清楚
確定自己再也不會佔據你的篇幅
明天開始這一切都結束

還我鑰匙的備份我覺得再見可以很單純
我甚至真心真意的祝福永恆在你的身上先發生

你還是要幸福你千萬不要再招惹別人哭
所有錯誤從我這裏落幕別跟著我銘心刻骨

你還是要幸福我才能確定我還得很清楚
確定自己再也不會佔據你的篇幅
明天開始這一切都結束

你還是要幸福你千萬不要再招惹別人哭
所有錯誤從我這裏落幕別跟著我銘心刻骨

你如果很幸福半夜的簡訊我就無需回覆
因為你的悲喜已經有了容身之處我也能有最純粹的孤獨

最孤獨的孤獨

分手快乐

2011-09-25T03:03:00.002+08:00

upgrading in progress.
sorry for any inconvenience caused.

nights out.
it hit me, i spent 3 mths working on something which left my heart broken at e end.
not worth it, not worth it.

and i shouldnt continue wasting time being upset abt it.
quoting from ash "that's my Angela"
i'm going to ignore everything that i'm hearing and will be hearing at work - that's e first step.

it's ok, it's just another bad experience.
i should stop missing, stop hoping.
it will soon come to an end.

so meanwhile, i'm leaving this space.
be nice people, i'll be back, being the Hoo that i used to be.

not a fan of rose, but thoughtful acts like these made me happy.
Thank God for the Angels around, i'm indeed a very blessed girl.

--
我无法帮你预言
委曲求全有没有用
可是我多么不舍
朋友爱的那么苦痛

爱可以不问对错
至少有喜悦感动
如果他总为别人撑伞
你何苦非为他等在雨中

泡咖啡让你暖手
想挡挡你心口里的风
你却想上街走走
吹吹冷风会清醒的多

你说你不怕分手
只有一点遗憾难过
情人节就要来了剩自己一个
其实爱对了人情人节每天都过

分手快乐
祝你快乐
你可以找到更好的
不想过冬
厌倦沉重
就飞去热带的岛屿游泳

分手快乐
请你快乐
挥别错的才能和对的相逢
离开旧爱像坐慢车
看透彻了心就会是晴朗的

没人能把谁的幸福没收
你发誓你会活的有笑容
你自信时候真的美多了

2011-09-23T23:55:00.003+08:00

i bumped into him today.
i had this feeling that i would somehow bump into him and indeed i did.

i dont know if he saw me, i looked down and walked past.
how sad is that - someone whom i fell in love with 3 mths ago, now a stranger.

i dont know how to describe how i'm feeling.
too hard, but i'm getting there.
hanging in there!

heard this and that abt things.
sigh.
i'm wating for the rainbow after the rain.

IMY.

2011-09-22T11:32:00.000+08:00

Who am I?
That the Lord of all the earth,
Would care to know my name,
Would care to feel my hurt.
Who am I?
That the bright and morning star,
Would choose to light the way,
For my ever wandering heart.

Bridge:
Not because of who I am,
But because of what you've done.
Not because of what I've done,
But because of who you are.

Chorus:
I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean,
A vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling,
Lord, you catch me when I'm falling,
And you've told me who I am.
I am yours.
I am yours.

Who am I?
That the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love
And watch me rise again.
Who am I?
That the voice that calmed the sea,
Would call out through the rain,
And calm the storm in me.

Not because of who I am,
But because of what you've done.
Not because of what I've done,
But because of who you are.

I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean,
A vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling,
Lord, you catch me when I'm falling,
And you've told me who I am.
I am yours.

Not because of who I am,
But because of what you've done.
Not because of what I've done,
But because of who you are.

Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear
Cause I am yours..
I am yours..

--
Enough said.
Don't overestimate yourself, don't underestimate me.
I had enough of people misunderstanding me and misinterpreted my words.

Mr Good VS Mr Nice

2011-09-20T21:01:00.000+08:00

On Dating Good Guys « Thought Catalog

i tweeted that just yesterday - You're nice, but not good enough for me.

--
Bestie say i should go out more often. i told her maybe i shld join SDU.
no, i'm not desperate. just some part of me still hope that there is someone GOOD for me, someone meant for me.

happily ever after - that's mine.
or does it only happen in shows and books?

some offered to take my shitty flts. and on the crew list was his name.
*GASP*
girlfriends and girl-leagues were concerned when i told them i'm going to take a flt, because just because of him sticking to shitty flts is not very sane.

i understand their concern because they dont want me to force myself to face things/person that i'm not ready to face, making myself more upset after it. because they know me (and i know myself) if i want to do it, i can fake it well. i can turn up for the flt, smiling like the happiest girl on earth - despite me hurting inside.

i dont show my emotions - at least not to people i dont really know.
only e closer ones close to me know that i'm not that garang, i'm still a softie on the inside.

but case close, the swap wasnt approve.
i guess it's God's way of telling me that i shouldnt force myself when i'm not ready.

i dreamt of him last night.
BIG SIGH.
i miss him still, and i hope i get out of it soon.

3 mths = 12 wks.
they say it takes half e time to get over someone. so this is almost wk 2, another 4 wks to go.
they must be kidding.

life is as per normal, but i dont want to feel upset for another 4 wks.
it's hard.
too depressing.

every lil things reminded me of him.
be it a song, the kitkats in jpn, yummy food, etc.

on a sidenote: besides knowing that i'm a big fan of the mouthless cat, does he know anything else abt me?

i guess, i put in more a little more effort in that r/s - DONT JUDGE, i'm not saying that he didnt, i'm just saying that i put in more
and i dont understand why people want to read my stuff and get upset. if you know you're going to get upset, dont read. at least that's what i choose to do.

filtering away all his stuff.
no, i dont want to know or hear how good he is, how fantastic his life is.
at least for now.

some crew asked if we requested for buddy flying.
Thank God we didnt - and i dont even know it's possible.

God and HIS miraculous way i guess.
it could have been worst - another comfort for myself.

so now, i'm adjusting (STILL) to be single.
bugging my girlfriends nowadays for a million other whining things - and they still love me.
was telling dar to try new foodies together and told her now (that i'm alone) i've to bug her to go out with me. but then again, not say when i'm attached we went food hunting also.

oh wells.

reading article readings.
maybe i do expect too much.

like, maybe...

i wish my guy will know how i want my bak chor mee to do prepared.
i wish my guy will initiate to request ketchup on my behalf when dinning out.
i wish my guy will hold my hand and stroll aimlessly.
i wish my guy will know e names of my stuffies.
i wish my guy will text me before he goes to bed, and texts me first thing in e morning - despite me being away, it's nice to switch on my phone and see my msg light flashing.
i wish my guy will pick my up from work - it's always comforting to have someone there after long flt
i wish my guy will laugh at my butter fingers.
i wish my guy will lugg my bags for me - just like daddy.
i wish my guy will bond with my famies.
i wish my guy will be annoyed because i love my girlfriends more than him.
i wish my guy will let me have the first bite of his food.
i wish my guy will bother to text me on and off, for random things.
i wish my guy will be willing to travel e distance because i have random cravings in e middle of the night.
i wish my guy will know i love to receive flowers and what's my fav.

i wish i wish i wish...

i dont know if such guy exist, maybe these are the reasons why i MIGHT be single for e longest time.
but i must say, the MR for 5 years did manage to do most of the things. yes, i know that's in e past and yes i'm spoilt rotten by that one guy and yes, i do have a benchmark.

so why did i decide to jump into it knowing that *ahem* doesnt meet the benchmark?
i dont know. really.
because because because, i asked God for a God-fearing guy and i believed that he was a God-sent.

it's ok - even though it's over.
i'm still me.

wounded and upset here and there,
i'm still me.

being emo,
i'm still me.

just another bad experience.
=)

2011-09-17T21:42:00.002+08:00

there are probably a million and one things in life that i dont and wont understand - that feeling kinda suck sometimes especially now.

cant comprehend why i still ended up being alone.
am i really that lousy? am i really not suitable to date someone?
am i not capable of being someone's partner?

huh huh huh?

someone comforted me by saying 'if your previous guy can stay for 5 years, that means something' - but he still ended up with someone else (and it has nothing to do with my insecurities)

insecurities - because i've been there and done that, i know chances are i might be left alone again. i thought this time will be different. BIG SIGH. dont blame me for it, blame the people who shaped me into who i am, blame e people around me who showed me how 'i love you' are just words and not commitment.

more things to filter off my list. i'm still too upset to be confronted by many of 'those things'. i shouldnt have jumped into it, shldnt have. i shouldnt have believed that it's worth the try, and that he will be e guy. too naive, too naive.

toi bud saw him at e angry bird challenge. his friend posted pictures of him (i filtered him off my wall a few days ago) should i be happy that i no longer made his life miserable or should i be upset that he can move on so fast?

talk is cheap.
talk is cheap.

it's because i wanted e r/s more than him.
that's sad.

i know, now that it's gone, i shouldnt be harping on it.
i try not to think abt it but one thing/person will always remind me of something abt him - that sucks too.

BIG SIGH.
i want to get over this phase as quickly as possible, because i think it hurts more to know that i'm dumped. i'm upset and he's moving on *CRIES*

i need to find myself back, the laughter, the smiles, the silly-ness in me.

love my imperfections.
my nose is not sharp, my lashes are short, my face is not small, and i'm fat.
most importantly,
love me unconditionally.
too much to ask i guess.

i'm hurt.
i hate it that i'm left alone to pick up the broken pieces.
will never hand my heart over to anyone else, too much for me.

one of those emo-nights,
God i'm really tired and feeling really lost.

2011-09-14T22:09:00.002+08:00

what i missed out yesterday.
*pouts*

--
Rotorua

most of the pictures are on fb, *opps* if you're not on there.

--
i miss you.
i try not to see how well you're coping, how well you're moving on without me.

it sucks.

why are you not thee God sent one? why do i have to go through e pain again?
everyone is telling me that u're not worth it. but guess what? i felt that you are. because u're a gem.

it's over.
just.like.that.

2011-09-14T00:35:00.002+08:00

i grow up with the little boy, one year my junior to be exact.
looking at this proposal vid, i'm angry at myself that i cant be there for his engagement lunch. *kicks myself*

not exactly the best time (because i'm nursing my own heartache) but i'm really happy for him... and i totally adore his wife. looking forward to his chinese wedding (typical of the LEE and because he's the 2nd out of the 5 males in the family)

there's no perfect match in e world, i guess it's 2 different individuals committed to walk together for a lifetime.

i still have not found mine, i dont know if i'll able to find mine, but that's ok. being alone beats having to date e wrong guy.

news of us breaking up spreads faster than the news that we got together.
strange, and i'm sure the news didnt come from me.
but whatever the case is, i have to live with it.

short legs yes, taking my time to tidy yes, i will move on.
just a matter of time i guess.

i should just stop thinking that it's all my fault, doesnt help.
so it's not God sent after all, living with another sad truth of life.

1/2 A came to the airport just to give me a cuddle, lublub came in hours early too.
that's what friends are for. i bet he might be thinking (if he's reading) that that's what he did too, coming to the airport before flt, but his statement will always be "because i stay near the airport"

uh ok.

coming back from flt, stepping into office, having a couple of e randoms asking me if i'm okay. that kinda suck a little and made me want to cry. but being me, i didnt. i have wonderful colleagues as friends, really that few, but that's all i need. i dont need the 200odd of them, i just need that few - yes, i'm that anal when it comes to friends.

lublub challenged me to prove her wrong, that i wont read any of his tweets and/or blog. i wont and will not. i'm trying to prove myself wrong too. reading it or not doesnt matter (as much as i want to) so no, wont do it. making myself upset is e last thing i want to do now.

like wifey said 'i love you' is an understatement. they love me more than they love me =)

random note, our dear LKY commented something that we will get more satisfaction by getting married as compared to PHD. hello? u think getting married so easy ah? people rather spend their time on their thesis (or whatever not) because at least u see results at e end of it. r/s? you dont even reap what you sow. so, uh... what's his pt again?

girl-leagues asked what will i do if i ever get rostered for his flt.
lublub: i will swap with her.
hoi: i will swap with him.
adrina: i will swap and do the flt with her.

me? i wont do anything, chances are, i'll be in e aft, chances are we will not exchange words other than flt stuff. so it wont be that bad.

i'm still upset and still will be upset here and there. but it's ok, i'm learning to let it go and grow stronger.

go ahead and judge, it's his loss that he didnt choose to work it out. i believe i'm better than a million other girls out there, because i'm Hoo, Angela Hoo.

p/s: dont worry, i'll change e picture as soon i have time and decide on which awesome picture of myself i shld use.

--
"I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes,
I'm out of control, and at times, I'm hard to handle. But if
you can't handle me at my worst, you sure as hell don't
deserve me at my best."

how true.

2011-09-12T19:49:00.000+08:00

Thank God again for giving me this awesome trip. He could have left me on flt with random people but yet He placed me with comfort.

Thank you Lord!

Off day in AKL, the whole 9 of us rented a car to Rotorua.
Enchanted by God's wonderful creations in e chilly weather, I did sort out my thoughts. And I was really annoyed in e morning...

I knew he blogged something abt it, I was expecting him to do it.
But I didn't and will not and don't see e need to read any of his things because chances are I'll feel upset, I'll feel e need to explain myself, I'll feel that he's being unfair to me.

Enough is enough.
I don't want to explain myself, I wanted e r/s and he didn't. That was it.
Full stop.

I tried my best, I admit my mistakes, I'm willing to try again.
He didn't, that was it.
Full stop.

E girlfriends at work will not make any comments at work regarding e rumours to come. individuals at work can listen to his side of e story, blow it up to something else, so be it. I will not bother to explain myself.

Go ahead and judge that I'm a bitch or whatever, he can continue to be a saint.
Enough is enough.

It takes 2 to build e r/s, it also takes 2 to break it.
If he doesn't (or in fact anyone else) see my pt, then I rest my case too.

I'm now tidying up my life. Yes I'm still upset, and yes I haven't wail and sob.
I figured if I'm not going to do it now, I will not do it ever.
Life is too short to be upset.

Lord pulled me out of e miry clay years ago, He of course will pull me out this time round. Honestly, I survived a 5 yrs r/s, what is 3 mths? E only thing now is, I thought I had it but in e end it wasn't mine.

That sucks.
But I will get there.

Gf quoted some of e things he mentioned.
Sorry that I made his past 3 mths miserable, and I'm sorry that I made myself miserable now.
Fair is fair.

I try not be anal, so don't pushed me to be.
Thank you very much.

I'm filtering away e things not for my eyes, he can do e same too.
And maybe I didn't mention, I hate people quoting e things I say and use it against me.

And I'll move on, don't worry. Don't have to remind me that my gfs love me too much to see me upset. Just that now, I don't move on as fast as you do - what to do, I've short legs and I take a lot time to 'pack up'

I still rmb my last akl, he was coming in from sin. I wanted to see him so badly even for the 5 seconds. My heart sank when I saw his ac taxiing into the terminal. "Oh shit!" Ran to check my bags, ran to get my breakie, ran to the holding area and I still have to pretend that it doesn't matter to me. And yes all for that 5 seconds and it made me really happy throughout the flt back.

Ask lublub, she was there with me for all e actions.

I'm laughing at myself how silly I can get. Worth it? Maybe not.

I almost old mummy I'm in love. Almost. I can't imagine I've to tell her that I'm single again. She prob will be upset and thinks a lot of other stuff. So I've less people to 'pacify' I guessed.

Maybe my name has been smeared among his friends that I'm e worst girl to date or quoting from somewhere 'girlfriend from hell' since I can't deal with it, I can only live with it. *shrugs*

All I can say is, you haven seen worst.
On a random, if he has given me what I needed, would things be better? Ok, I don't need answers because it will start another round of accusation.

He gave it up, I won't hang on.

I shldnt have jumped into it. Big sigh.

So God, IF you are ever going to put another guy in my life next, please please please make sure that he is not just another passerby? I've been whining since all e mess happened and I'm sick of whining. So get this whoever that u'r sending next a GPS, I'm not that hard to find. And please enlighten him that I'm not that hard to date also.

So if he is not God loving, not committed, not patient, etc (You shld know what I'm talking abt) please don't send him ok?

Ok, I'm kidding. Don't send any. I don't need someone to screw up my life again and I might end up making his life miserable. (LOL!)

Say that I'm in denial, say that I'm a bitch, say whatever you want.
I'll still be me at e end of it.

:)

--
To everyone who's close at heart - I love you is an under statement!
XOXOXOXO!

2011-09-11T19:40:00.000+08:00

可惜不是你，陪我到最后

I always say I don't need love, I just need e girlfriends.
Because time and again, guys leave and they stay.

No matter how anal I can get, they stayed.
They love me for who I am, and they love despite of my flaws, they make me laugh and share my upset moments.

My girlfriends.
I shouldn't have believed that guys will make e effort to love me like e girlfriends. I shouldn't have believed that I found (or maybe will find) one who can be closer than e girlfriends.

Yes, me and my shouldn't haves.

My girlfriends.
I trust them and they'r my pillars of strength. And I always thought it would be nice to have you as my pillar. Wrong again, I should have known that u'll never be ready for it.

Was feeling lousy before flt yest, flying with my fav hoi did comfort me abit. But was still emotionless.

Lublub came up and gave me a hug, I really needed that.
No questions, no nothing. Just sat there and hug me, sayang-ing me like an angel.
Oh God, you didn't answered my prayers on e r/s, but u did send many angels. Thank you.

She knew it beforehand that things will go downwards.
And I understand why she didn't want to tell me before he does.

No pt holding onto someone who don't want to make it work, no pt holding onto something which no matter how bad I want it, it still won't be mine.

Let go Angela, let it go.
Because if I don't, I will always be upset.
Let it go.

At e end of the day, God loves me, I love myself, e close to hearts love me.
I don't need a guy (specifically) to give me love.

So there won't be a next guy.
Not in e near future.
I lost it in love again and again, esp this time when I thought it'll be mine. So no more next time.

I hate to pick myself up.
I hate it when I finally allow someone into my life and then I get upset all over again.
I hate it when I'm no longer myself in many ways.

So, love?
No thank you.
I'm fine alone, I don't need someone (who's close to heart) to upset me.

I didn't wail and sob.
I don't know if it's because I don't want to or because I've no tears.

His friends might think that I'm a bitch, ruining e r/s with an awesome guy. And my friends think that it's his loss to give up on me.

That's life,
You can't please everyone.

I do still blame myself that I can't hold onto a r/s. That's why it's killing me. Because he prob wouldn't think that it's his loss and it takes 2 person to make a r/s work.

Let it go Angela, let it go.

2011-09-10T14:43:00.002+08:00

ok, i must say it again, if my posts are going to upset anyone, sorry.
if u know u're going to upset, stop reading.
this is getting too over.
whatever i blog, chances are people are going to say something else, so it will be never ending.

can i just nurse my heartache peacefully?
true, i know i ruined my relationship, YES i know i did - so what now because i ruined it so it's 'serve me right'?

did i really single-handedly ruin it?
was it really only me?
NO, i'm not playing the blame-game - my insecurities ruined things, yes. but r/s is about 2, no?

be understanding PLEASE.
no one will know how much i wanted it to work, i always say i'm prepared for the worst, but honestly, can someone be really prepared for heartaches?

i told myself never to let someone else in my life, because i know i will end up feeling like crap, but i still did it. WHY? because i thought this time round will be different, i did thought that way.

how many times have i said i want this to work?
many unspoken words, doesnt mean that i dont want it work, doesnt mean that i'm not willing to try, not willing to put in every effort.

no one will know how much this means to me, finally i start to believe that someone is worth my effort. finally i find a someone.

i didnt choose to give this up, that's why i'm hurt.
because i'm hanging it to the tiny hope that it will work, that's why i'm hurt.
because i wasnt ready to let go, that's why i'm hurt.

yes, he might be feeling equally upset, but for someone to make e decision to walk out from a r/s means that he's ready for what is to come, he is has 'better' preparation. NO?

i have to pick pieces of myself again.
can i just do it peacefully? at my own pace?

back then i was determined that i can survive being singular, now i'm even more determined to do it better.

i dont deserve heartaches, i dont deserve any of these - and i know what people will say, he dont deserve it either.

now, being really honest here, i'm selfish.
i care more abt my own 'healing' process than his - go ahead and judge.

so what is my problem now - i still remember him using that phrase on me.
my problem is i'm upset, i dont know how long this will take, i hate telling everyone else that i'm ok, i just hate all these that are happening.

I WANT TO SOB AND WAIL.

i should stop saying that i'm being misunderstood, make things worst.
all i can is, he didnt fall in love with me, he fell in love with Angela.
and i thought i'm ready for a r/s, but nope, not then, not now, maybe never.

because i had enough of unsuitable ones, and i stopped wanting for a suitable.

it' funny how just a wk ago, some crew just congratulate me on being attached.
life is too sad.

i am miserable enough now, so please refrain from breaking me even further.
thank you.

--
i will pick myself up.
i know i can do it and i hope i'll get well ASAP.
i will come out stronger, i know and that's good.

2011-09-10T03:33:00.002+08:00

HTHT with my fav HOI and she told me abt her conversation with jerms.
i wanted so much to explain myself, there are many things wrong there, so wrong.

drained.
wifey said it's ok to feel upset and i can cry and rant but eventually it wont do me any good.

i agree, i really want to be happy again,
but because i cant comprehend (i prob will not be able to do that forever) that's why i'm stuck, stuck in the mess.

God, please make it process as short as possible, please let me see why u place a guy but yet, he is not mine.please tell me why i have to go through all these again, i prayed and you answered, shouldnt my story end with 'happily ever after'?

i wondered, i'm not demanding as compared to many others. i dont leave my bf standing at the door for 12 hrs, i dont leave my bf with scratches after a big fight, i dont demand my bf to fetch me everytime, i dont demand many of the other things as compared to e other girls,

but guess who are the ones happily in love?
but guess who are the ones who have someone for them despite of all of the above?
have i not walked gingerly enough? have i not?

yes, go ahead and tell me life is unfair.
i'm questioning if i 'perform' that lousy as a girlfriend that there's nothing to hold on to. nothing.

i dont know how to trust r/s from now on, it all seems like a big joke.
i never thought i'm that hard to be with, that hard to fall in love with, that hard to build a committed and firm r/s with.

i didnt know that.

my insecurities killed e r/s.
but i do trust him. he is prob e only guy whom i know will not flirt with random girls at nights out - all my friends know that and i have mention it many times.

yes, i'm frustrated because i'm being misunderstood, i'm frustrated at MYSELF.
this is unbearable.

and if by reading my posts/tweets will make anyone upset, i'm sorry.
and if you think you really know and understand me by reading my posts/tweets - you are so wrong.

all i ever wanted - someone to hold my hand for the rest of my life.
ash joked that i should lower my expectations for my next guy - i'm not 18 when i want my bf to be 1.8m, sings like zhou jie lun, looks like raymond lam, etc.

i need someone, who loves God.
i need someone, who is willing and committed enough to hold my hand for e rest of my life.

不能重来

--
"because i know that i will not deal with any next r/s.
it's too much for me.
too complicated for me."

i wrote that back in 2009, i should re-read my posts earlier, then i would be reminded of how things might end up, i wouldnt jump into it and i wont end up having to deal with this mess.

i should have known.
i should have.

i'm leaving myself sticky notes everywhere to remind myself...
"DONT do it anymore you deserve more than heartaches"

2011-09-09T12:32:00.002+08:00

relieved?
i'm sorry that i caused you so much pain.

--
could have done so much better Angela, you should have.
maybe in the first place, i shouldnt have let all these happen - if i choose not to have someone else to be in my life, i wouldnt end up feeling upset.

yes, life is not abt the what ifs and should haves.

i didnt give up on that r/s - yes i'm trying to make myself feel better. but it's also i didnt want to give up, that's why i'm feeling what i'm feeling now. i cant just turned around and walk away. i cant.

really, i still cant believe that it actually happen.

i'm not angry.
not the slightest bit.

maybe after all these years, love is still an unknown to me. i didnt learn how to love and be love. i can never comprehend why God is putting me through all these. He placed an awesome guy yet He took him away. i still trust him, despite of all these, i still do.

i just have to deal with a day of heartache at a time.
*SIGH*

God, please make this progress and painless as possible?
PLEASE?

i will feel better.
i will.

--
花接受凋零风接受追寻
心的伤还有一些不要紧
我接受你的决定

你将会被谁抱紧唱什么歌哄他开心
我想着天空什么时候会放晴
地球不曾为谁停一停

你的明天有多快乐不是我的
我们的爱是唱一半的歌
时间把习惯换了伤口愈合
也撤销我再想你的资格

你的祝福一半甜的一半苦的
像我手中冷掉的可可
最最教人残念的总是未完成的
我只能唱着一半的歌

你将会被谁抱紧唱什么歌哄他开心
我想着天空什么时候会放晴
地球不曾为谁停一停

你的明天有多快乐不是我的
我们的爱是唱一半的歌
时间把习惯换了伤口愈合
也撤销我再想你的资格

你的祝福一半甜的一半苦的
像我手中冷掉的可可
最最教人残念的总是未完成的

我只能唱着一半的歌
我的明天快不快乐都是我的
我们的爱是唱一半的歌
时间把习惯换了伤口愈合

也撤销我再想你的资格
你的祝福一半甜的一半苦的
像我手中冷掉的可可
最最教人残念的总是未完成的
另一半的歌

--
the sweetest girlfriends.
i dont have to say anything, and they didnt push for it. i can whine and rant, be like an idiot. they'll run to me and just sit by my side.

that's all i need.
because i know e random people are not as understanding - can i go on leave and then come back when the drama (that's going to happen at work) is gone?

it's comforting to know that some are trying to swap into my flt, just to be there with me.

it's because of tiny actions like these, their efforts, their willingness to go through all the emo-days together, they didnt leave - that explains their priorities in my life.

i dont have that many close to hearts.
i can practically count them with my 10 fingers, because quality means alot to me than quantity.

2011-09-09T01:36:00.004+08:00

I'm not prepared for any of these.
I cant do it.

Wake me up when september ends.
This is harder than i thought.

I cant deal with it. The pressure and gossips at work. The heartachea. The loss. I'm speechless dear i am.

Tears.

--
i didnt know i've done so many things 'wrongly', i should have done better.
just wish that you have told me many of the things earlier. communicate with me dear, communicate. just wish that i have e chance to make it better. i want to explain myself. but it doesnt change anything i guess. i would do anything to make it work, but no pt.

and no, i dont have a secret bf.
and my gfs mean e world to me, they are the angels, my God sent angels.

you took my words the wrong side.
you misunderstood me.

2011-09-08T02:36:00.003+08:00

Love conquers all.

--
Day 10:

i'm glad to be home, i'm glad to be home, i'm glad to be home.
sick of spending my life on aircraft.

having random thoughts - while waiting for my hair to dry, and also wanted to do the 'goodnight and good morning' statement to you.

despite of my whining, i still love many things, appreciating many things.

i fly for a living - not as glamorous as it seems, but i know it's something that many wants to try. never regret doing it, cant as i'm as passionate as before, but i'm still glad God gave me a chance to do it (So now God, next please?)

my parents might disagree with me flying, but i can always see my dad smiling when he introduces me as 'the younger one who flies' and when people question my career choice after the degree, dad always say 'as long as she is happy, always good to try'

my dad. if you know me well enough, you shld know how i always call him my knight. because no other guy on earth will wait for me to come back from every flt, make sure that i'm safe and sound, i have something to eat, then go to bed. he dont drive a ferrari, he dont buy me any LV, but he loves me in many different ways.

i dont have license, dont intend to get it anytime soon. but guess what? i've friends who are willing to drive me around - that's what friends are for.

my house is tiny, my room is tiny. but i know i've some place i call home after every trip. my own bedroom with my stuffies - simplicity is bliss

and of course, with e recent 'promotion' at work, my God is indeed watching over me. maybe He's trying to tell me that i MIGHT have fail in love, but He is blessing me in many other ways.

i think i know what is going to happen, i dont think i'm prepared for what is going to come.
i dont know if i can deal with it as gracefully, so Lord, please be with me.

i hate being ignored - one of the worst feelings ever.
it's funny how we know each other presence, but yet taking it e other way.
difficult to explain how i feel now.

confused is an understatement.

pretending.
and i hate pretending too.

didnt sleep well at all, because the same thought keeps bugging me.
*deep breaths*
i'm praying for the best.

heavy-hearted.
maybe i shld go build-a-kitty. chummy says that he wouldnt mind another of his kind (ie: build-a-bear) and i suppose, my other stuffies dont mind company. but then i'll have to bring more and more stuffies with me along for my trip *gasp* and mummy will prob scream at me because furry stuffs are bad for me.

i'm being totally random, because that's e only way to distract me.
re-reading Gary Chapman "love is a verb" - i got the book when i first started dating jerms. understanding how couples overcome their differences and stay together for life makes me motivated. i too want to settle and fall in love again and i thought i could do it...

fall in love be committed and overcome differences, walk together hand in hand for a lifetime, building the r/s in God.

will you, continue to be a blessing in my life?

2011-09-07T10:43:00.000+08:00

Faith.

--
Day 9

Finally, I'm gg home.
Some good news, hello IFT! :)

Wanted so much to msg you abt it.

2011-09-06T18:26:00.001+08:00

We're the best partners this world's ever seen,
Together as close as can be.
But sometimes it's hard to find time in between,
To tell you what you mean to me.

You are the rose of my heart,
You are the love of my life.
A flower not fading nor falling apart,
If you're tired, rest your head on my arm.
Rose of my heart.

When sorrow holds you in its arms of clay,
It's rain drops that fall from your eyes.
Your smile's like the sun come to earth for a day,
You brighten my blackest of skies.

You are the rose of my heart,
You are the love of my life.
A flower not fading nor falling apart,
If you're cold, let my love make you warm.
Rose of my heart.

So hard times or easy times, what do I care,
There's nothing I'd change if I could.
The tears and the laughter are things that we share,
Your hand in mine makes it good.

You are the rose of my heart,
You are the love of my life.
A flower not fading nor falling apart,
If you're cold, let my love make you warm.
Rose of my heart.

You are the rose of my heart,
You are the love of my life.
A flower not fading nor falling apart,
If you're cold, let my love make you warm.
Rose of my heart.

--
Day 8

Can't wait to get home tomorrow.
Thinking that I shld spend time to declutter my room...

Going back home means it's time to deal with a lot of things.
God oh God, please give me strength, to deal with what's coming.
Come what may, I'll be ok.

God will not give me a challenge that I can't handle.
Tough challenge now yes, but I'll be ok :)

If it all works, good.
If it doesn't, it's still a blessing. Going back to what it is like before wouldn't be THAT tough. I'll still be upset, but I'm Angela Hoo :)

Might sound like I'm living in denial.
But I can't be upset forever, so might as well be prepared for the worst now.

Should have long accepted e fact that Love isn't everything, being in a r/s isn't everything. My priorities of life have always been God, famies, girlfriends. It's a bonus yes to add 'boyfriend' to the list. I've been eager to do it for the longest time, but it seems I've been TOO eager.

Come what may, come what may.

难过也要过，开心也是要过
Might as well, do it in the happy way.

Someone, to hold my hand and make me smile
Someone, to go for sunday service with
Someone, to watch sunset (only sunset because I can never wake up that early for sunrise)
Someone, to say that I'm e gem
Someone, to walk together no matter how hard it'll be to walk with me (it's not easy to walk in e light of God, but I still decided to do it!)
Someone, to go for random suppers
Someone, to places me as a priority
Someone, to do crazy, silly and random things with
Someone, to have drinking nights
Someone, who hangs out with my friends willingly
Someone, who loves me.
Most imptly, someone God sent, someone who loves God.

Someone oh someone.

珍惜眼前人
Never regretted, just thought that e journey will be longer than this.
I miss you.

2011-09-05T12:57:00.000+08:00

Because God has plans, we have nothing to fear

--
Day 7

I don't like what's going to come, but I've to face it somehow.
God please give me strength, prepare myself for what's going to come.

Good news please?
But then again, if it's His plans, will always be good news.
Trust in e Lord Miss Hoo, trust in e Lord!

On my way for another dps.
Met some other crew at e lobby, rosters are so screwed nowadays that we'r practically all over e network.

Random crew got called up for hnl :s but then again, I want to go home.
but at least, I've another sin crew, at least I've company...

E crew congratulated me for being attached.
Uh, ok. And she said "I can feel that he really loves you"
Uh, ok again.

"Whatever will be, will be"

"because i know that i will not deal with any next r/s.it's too much for me.too complicated for me."i wrote that Tuesday, May 19, 2009.shld have re-read many of the post back then, i will have convinced myself not to jump into it, i will have reminded myself that happily ever after is still not mine.2 years later, i'm back here, ranting abt love.biggest joke.i'm leaving sticky notes around as a reminder..."never ever let all these happen to you AGAIN, you dont deserve heartaches"

2011-09-04T18:33:00.000+08:00

In prayer,
it’s better to have a heart without words than words without heart

--
Day 6-3

I know, it's crazy for me to do 3 posts in one day. I don't know if u manage to catch e other 2. Or in fact, all e posts before that. Or maybe, u stopped reading long ago.

Was feeling really depressed e whole day, PMS-ing is not helping as usual.
Went on the daily bread online - really need some comfort spiritually.

I realise, what I've done wrong. That I all along wanted the r/s to work. It was me me me and me all along. Bad move. The r/s should be dependent on God. Building r/s on God.

I somehow lost the concept of God's love when e whole r/s started. My bad again.
I prayed for a God sent, u appeared. I've no idea why God decided to remove you after a short 3 mths, but everyday, every r/s is a lesson

Maybe He's trying to tell me that a true gem exist. Not all guys are jerks, and there are many with a big heart (big heart like yours). Maybe He's telling me to trust, true love do exist and I should keep praying, pray that someday, someone will treat me like a gem (a tiny part of me still hope that it's you, but, it's still up to the high up and above)

God led me out of e miry clay years ago, I survived. It took me quite some time, but I still manage to be out of it. And I trust and I pray, that he'll lead me out of this one asap, and hopefully as painless and possible.

God is my greatest comfort.
Maybe, I've been praying it wrongly.

Let His will be done, not mine.
He has his reasons for not letting you stay (I'm assuming because you have yet to let me know anything. And my gut tells me that u'r ready to move on) I do want to know e reasons, but, it's ok. Reasons or not, doesn't really matter at this moment.

For every bad moment, God sends his angels. My angels - e girlfriends. They are my human comfort. Not doubt they're upset that u'r 'heartless' but I guess, I'm really in e wrong to have pushed you too hard. So they can't blame you...

I was really on e verge of breaking down when I saw u at e lobby for flt. They gave me comfort. I even texted dar (yes, roaming text) and she said "we'r all here rooting for you" - a million miles apart, but I know they love me. Unconditionally. They listen, no matter how many times I repeat it. They give me a comforting hug, when I burst into tears.

The angels.
Thank you Lord.

Dar asked if finding one who shares e same faith is impt. Yes, it is to me. That's why it's such a blessing knowing you, having you in my life. How rare is that to find someone at e workplace going to e same church?

I'm blessed. Blessed that I had you, no matter how short the time span is. Blessed that I've the girlfriends.

I'll never forget how you whatsapp me that we should be together. U have no idea how long it took me to wipe the silly happy smile on my face.
I will not forget, your determination to make this work.
I will not forget, how you say we complement each other
I will not forget, all the things that you have done/said to make a feel really special, really awesome.
I will not forget the happy memories, but I'll let go of the tough times.

"There will always be a better one" - I never liked that statement because I always believe my current one is e best one. And not everyone qualifies to be my gem.

So I guess, my next God sent will have to be gem of e gems. And most importantly, someone who treats me like his gem. Someone who lists me under his priorities.

I've been selfish. I'm truly sorry.
It's God's will to place us together, if it doesn't work, it's also God's will.

Giving you time, giving myself time.
If you've made up your mind to move on, please let me know - that's what gem does! No matter how bad e situation may get, you have to tell me I guess...

I'm praying that God will give me strength to deal with all e 'gossips' at work. I guess, I jinxed myself when I mention (when it all started) that I don't want to be just another 'bubble couple'.

Love & relationship.
拿的起，就要舍得放下
To be honest, I can't bear to do it yet.

Time, let me know when u'r ready or decided.
You know where and how to reach me.

I love you, and I really miss you...

2011-09-04T15:16:00.000+08:00

迎風聽著轉動中的紙風車
我輕輕哼著歌夢想還緊抓著
有些快樂卻已經遙遠了
幸福什麼顏色我不記得了

因為你早已經不愛我了但失去你我捨不得
我連難過都被動著一切等你決定了
就到這你不愛我了你做了不同的選擇
我不忍苛責還心疼著看你解釋的表情都慌了

生日紙鶴我到底要怎麼折
祝福都寫好了愛卻不對了
這個時刻我一個人騎著車
河堤有風吹著我的心累了

因為你早已經不愛我了但失去你我捨不得
我連難過都被動著一切等你決定了
我要的愛你都沒給最後連關心也沒回
如果不是我要的是誰而我的悲傷已無可挽回

轉了一圈腳步又回到原點
你說給你時間我決定說再見
因為你因為你早已經不愛我了
但失去你我捨不得我連難過都還被動著
一切等你決定了

我要的愛你都沒給等到最後連關心也沒回
如果不是我要的是誰而我的悲傷已無可挽回

--
Day 6-2

I knew it.
Woke up feeling even worst.

Upset that I've the worst duty, upset that I've screwed up my r/s, upset that I'm still upset.

Day 6, do I have to ask for e answer instead?
I don't like e silence, not at all. I don't like e fact that I've to pretend that u've yet to step into my life. I don't like e fact that we pretend not knowing each other on the 15 hrs flt.

I hate it, I hate all of these.

I don't want to sulk anymore, any longer.
So please, if you've decided that everything is not worth it, let me know.
As much as I want this to work, it takes both hands to clap. If you don't want it, no pt for me to hang on.

I want this, but if you don't want it.
I won't force it.

I'm waiting, still waiting...

2011-09-04T05:38:00.000+08:00

还来不急仔仔细细写下你的关于，
描述我有多爱你，你却微笑的离我而去。

--
Day 6:

老娘 did it.
Survived my first of e horrid turns, another one tml (at this pt, I really feel like crying again)

Survived being on e same flt with jerms. Feelings? Indescribable.
Having to just treat him just like a colleague is really a pain.
Really should have just called in sick.

Big sigh.

Heavy hearted.
But then again. I have to face it someday.

I guessed e funniest thing e crew on flt did was to ask me if jerms is gay.
I don't know to laugh or cry.
Because a few of them insisted that he has that vibe.
-.-

I confirmed that he is not. And they asked me why am I so sure.
Uh, if a wk ago, I would have declared that because he's my boyfriend tan.
All I could say is I THINK (think because I'm not sure what he consider his r/s status now) he has a girlfriend.

They were not exactly convinced.
We laughed.

I know I shldnt stop praying, it's time I stop asking for some things.
And I guess, that some things includes e r/s.

Maybe he has made up his mind, something in my gut tells me that it won't what I'm hoping for. I've e urge to ask, but yet I don't want to know the ugly truth.

Let me stay in denial for a little longer.
Let me believe that it's still worth holding on.
Let me trust that he won't give up just like that.

Pretty please?

Time for bed, hopefully I'll wake up feeling better, though I somehow know that it won't happen.

*deep breaths*

2011-09-03T12:35:00.000+08:00

如果我说爱我没有如果

--
Day 5

Our 3rd month.
Saddest truth, e same time last mth, we were having our 1st flt as a couple.
My happy 2nd month.

Now that I'm here, and going for e flt with you, but with a different feeling
That kinda suck a little.
(Or maybe, little is an understatement)

God, please give me strength.
For e horrid flt, for e emotions I'm feeling.
Amen.

2011-09-02T10:09:00.001+08:00

Talk is cheap.

--
Day 4

Safe and sound in syd. Exhaustion is an understatement.
Things you do when you fly with the close to heart, you get to go on same break and u spend e hr+ just yakking away.

That really made my first flt aft my 13 days bearable.
And of course make e 'low morale' me feel better, for awhile.

Big sigh again.
Batchie was on flt and he asked abt jerms.
Besides putting up a front, I don't know what else to say.
Preparing for the worst I said. He was surprised and his first thought was to ask if I did anything wrong.

Yes, I did. I pushed him too hard.
Yes, I did. I wanted him to deal with my insecurities together.
Maybe, I did everything wrong.

I'm not surprised if individuals start pointing fingers at me.
Afterall, he is e nice one and I can be quite an opposite.

Preparing for e worst.
Where's my sweet after e bitters? I thought u'll be.

I'm still holding onto a tiny hope (as much as I shldnt) that things will be ok.
You'll buzz me when u'r in syd later in e day, we'll go for dinner, and head for flt tog tml.

Holding onto false hope I know.
I'm still hopeful, somewhat.

--
Off to bed.
Hope things will turn awesome miraculously by e time I wake up.
Pretty please?

2011-09-02T10:09:00.000+08:00

2011-09-01T16:05:00.002+08:00

Sometimes it lasts in love, sometimes it hurts instead

--
Day 3

Really didnt have e motivation to go for work.
Still feeling inside out, outside in.
Every other emotions in me, except happiness i guess.

Repacked my bags, TPE memories still in there...
Must get myself togetherasap, need to focus at work.
Trust me, for e fact that i'm dragging myself to work i will be focused of course.

4 flts in total.
Not even the first flt, i cant wait to come home...

God, i need strength.
Please give me a smooth trip.
Amen.

Someone just gave me the 'if he is yours, he'll be back'
Honestly that's e worst thing to say in times like this. Makes me feel even worst.
E prob now is i always thought he'll be mine. That's why i'm upset now.

Because i thought it'll be my happy ending.
Big sigh.

Hello blue sky, i'm back.
Will God hear my prayers more clearly if i pray in e air? Because they always say we'r closer to God.
I know i'm blabbering nonsense.

Please bear with me and dont mind me.

2011-09-01T03:54:00.003+08:00

没那麽简单就能找到聊得来的伴
尤其是在看过了那麽多的背叛
总是不安只好强悍
谁谋杀了我的浪漫

没那麽简单就能去爱别的全不看
变得实际也许好也许坏各一半
不爱孤单一久也习惯
不用担心谁也不用被谁管

感觉快乐就忙东忙西
感觉累了就放空自己
别人说的话随便听一听自己做决定
不想拥有太多情绪
一杯红酒配电影
在周末晚上关上了手机舒服窝在沙发里

相爱没有那麽容易每个人有他的脾气
过了爱做梦的年纪轰轰烈烈不如平静
幸福没有那麽容易才会特别让人着迷
什麽都不懂的年纪
曾经最掏心所以最开心曾经

想念最伤心但却最动心的记忆

--
Day 2:

i decided not to be under my blankie (not that it helps) and head out. i suppose that will help me feel better.

went across the causeway, got my lenses from uncle HOO - hopefully new lenses will help me see better and clearer so that i wont be blinded by anyone in e future.

then, nights out with dar.
after the countless beer and martinis, i'm still as sober as ever.
i thought i could take e 'opportunity' to sob and whine, nope. nothing happen.

as usual, she asked if msges were sent, if i'm feeling better.
no and no.
i forced a smile - besides forcing myself to feel ok, i honestly dont know what else to do.

back to work tomorrow, e thought of calling in sick is still there.
but i have to be professional, and i shldnt let things like that affect me. and plus, sector with my favourite HOI, i shelved that thought.

but e fact is, it is affecting me - can for the millionth time stop pretending that i'm not affected by any of it?

no5 was playing mambo the whole night.
i'm missing you.

finding someone who share the same religion is hard.
finding someone who share the same church is even harder.
finding someone who share the love for the bf-in-taiwan is hard.
finding someone who share the love for J-TV is even harder.
finding someone who is nice is hard.
finding a gem like you, is even harder.

my world crashed, like years ago.

daddy told me i've been enjoying life a bit too much, because i'm fatter.
i wanted to tell him because i had someone to share my fun times with - of course i didnt in e end. no pt telling him now i guess.

so now, being in love makes me fat.
time to loose all e 'happy fats'

mum sensed something was wrong, because i've been in my room, just slping away.
she called this morning, and told me not to ruin my body like that - wake up and go out she said.

i cant find the strength to do it.
i cant.

--
random readers might comment that i'm trying to gain his sympathy.
because you dont know what it is like, so please stop being ignorant.

because i had high hopes and was sure that this r/s will work, i'm now upset and disappointed.
why cant i manage my r/s?

too many questions unanswered.

i prayed for someone, to hold my hand, till e end.
i thought you were the answers to my prayers.
i thought.

so why did God sent me someone whom he doesn't think is suitable for me?
beats me, i honestly can think of any reason.

i'm praying.
i'm still praying.

2011-08-31T00:00:00.002+08:00

翻著我們的照片　想念若隱若現
去年的冬天　我們笑得很甜
看著妳哭泣的臉　對著我說再見
來不及聽見　妳已走得很遠

也許妳已經放棄我
也許已經很難回頭
我知道是自己錯過
請再給我一個理由說妳不愛我

就算是我不懂　能不能原諒我
請不要把分手當作妳的請求
我知道堅持要走　是妳受傷的藉口
請妳回頭　我會陪妳一直走到最後

就算沒有結果　我也能夠承受
我知道妳的痛　是我給的承諾
妳說給過我縱容　沉默是因為包容
如果要走　請妳記得我

如果難過　請妳忘了我

--
i slept the whole day, hoping that e pain will go away but i woke up still feeling the ache.
i forgot how it feels like after all these years, but it's so familiar.
too familiar.

now i'm wide awake, not knowing exactly what is going to happen next.
nope, as much as i want to wail and sob, i didnt - not yet.

i know i shldn't live in denial but yet at the same time i am.
i was secretly looking forward to syd - lousy roster but because i get to fly with you. but now it's different.

i asked God for a sign.
sudden disappearance of all my chat history - i suppose it's a sign?
(or might be a sign that i'm really pushing my berry and ST better launch my white 9810 ASAP!)
and e disappearance of my photo on the left. TSK TSK!

well, it's one day down.
one day closer to getting over the loss, one day closer to recovery.

can i stop pretending i'm ok?
and please dont ask if i'm ok.

heartaches are the worst. because they can take forever to heal.
and it's not even a physical injury.

and i hate this healing process.
i blame myself for what has happened, i blame myself for not able to maintain a r/s.
should have given you more time - now you can have all e e time in e world.

i dont know how i'll feel tomorrow when i'm up, but i do pray, things will be better, i will be better, you will be missing me...

--
to the girlfriends.
Thanks for being there always. it's going to be another long and 'whining' journey, thank you for the patience and the love.

2011-08-30T16:58:00.002+08:00

2011-08-30T13:28:00.003+08:00

God oh God, please send me a sign.

--
Can i remind you (as much as you think it is ridiculous) that whatever i mention is a basic courtesy in a relationship and it's not a demand?

For example-
Calling each other saying "hey, im gg for drinks with (whoever) tonight (at where)" is a basic coutesy.

Trust me, ask any of the couples around you, they'll say e same. Now is not abt my insecurities, yes i can prob deal with them better by myself. Are you willing to put "you" aside and make e r/s work?

I know you did say u wont compromise.
Courtesy is not compromising dear. It is not.

You are prob ok not knowing my whereabouts because you always say u trust me.
But making e effort to ask me where i am shows that you are concern - at least to me.

--
You are getting more and more upset with e list of things i mention.
It is the do or break phase - yes even before the 3rd mth.

I am wrong to think that you will be dealing my insecurities with me.
My fault that i drove you up the walls.

I know that things might be different now if i choose to do it differently in e first place, but ever cross your mind that if u reacted differently things might b better also?

All i need you to say is "i wont let you go, we will do it together"

--
I know it is too late to say anything.
And i'm not saying any of e above in anger.

Bottom line - i'm still willing to give it a shot.

Randoms: i shldnt be so kpo when it comes to e fortune telling sessions. Now i'm really haunted by it. *curse and swears*

2011-08-30T05:15:00.001+08:00

Wow.
I didnt see it coming...

2011-08-30T00:24:00.002+08:00

a long post ahead, please bear with me.
*deep breaths* - here it goes...

--
i know the girlfriends are worried.
thank you - you guys should know how much i love everyone of you.

and i'm Angela Hoo, i'm tough and i'll be tough.
i have faith in God, and i know He will get me through everything.

--
to my boyfriend.

i know getting into a relationship after being single for 25 years is a big change - at least to me. i'm glad that you chose me, over a million xmm at zouk after all these years.

but things are not what i expected. quite different actually.

(i'm actually thinking that it's God telling me that my fairytale will only happen in my dreams, and love isnt as rosy as i thought it's going to be)

your life is on twitter, everyone knows that.
but, do you know that i prefer you telling me your whereabouts instead of knowing through twitter?
but, do you know that i prefer you telling me who are you're hanging out with instead of knowing through your 4sq?

(ok, e rest of the readers, hold your horses, before you start accusing that i'm a possessive needy girlfriend. there is a thin line between demands and expectations, so i'm merely listing the ones which are making me uncomfortable)

i know you have live your life for the past years not having to be 'responsible' for any of your whereabouts and/or doings, but can i please remind you that we're dating and there are things that i think you should start 'doing'?

basics.
letting e gf know where you'll be
letting e gf know who you're with
letting e gf be involve in your daily activities

i need to know that i'm important - not just a random girl-friend in your life
i need to feel important - because at e moment, i feel that all e other things are more impt to you.

remember we talked abt priorities in life and you asked if everyone has their list.
yes - everyone has a list.

say for example, it's mambo night, you're willing to sacrifice many things for the nights out.
touching down from 57, chionging to zouk immediately after - that just shows how much mambo means to you and it's your priority over sleep.

question: am i on your priority list?

no, i dont feel it exactly.
it's not abt what you have done, it's sometimes about what you didn't do.

like today, i know through twitter that you're out for ktv, out for poker - yes u did update your twitter, no you didnt tell me and you didnt ask if i want to join you.

honestly, that wasnt what i expected, esp when i'm in a r/s - esp, when i'm in love.
and yes, that did upset me.

you asked me to deal with my insecurities myself.
i ended the night with tears, asking God why is my God-sent guy not what it seems like now...

(honestly, i wish i can communicate to God through a medium. Get him to tell me if jerms is the God-sent. if not for the fact that i trusted God more than any other, i would have fortune-tell today. be it career, love life, etc... but then again, it's kinda silly to pay someone to tell my future and trust someone just like that. but that session is really an eye-opener)

being in love, isnt that doing couple-y things tog?
i need you to know, i'm willing to do things that you like tog, and it's because i enjoy doing it with you and i'm doing it because of love.

ask any of my girlfriends, how i stopped clubbing for e longest time, but because i'm dating you - e mambo addict, that's why i'm willing to stay up 24 hrs, do it after flt - WITH YOU.

i know you're going to say you dont need the company, but my pt is, doing couple-y things with you.
enjoying the things that you like to do. TOGETHER

or how i try to stay awake, for that few minutes so that i can get to talk (or rather tweet) after your flt. that few minutes mean alot to me.

5 love languages.
spending quality time together - TOGETHER is e key.

or for example, how i'm not liking anything much other than beer, but if it's doing it with you, i'm alright with every other things. that to me is a little sacrifice, that to me, is doing it out of love.

i'm not asking you to change say from a mambo addict to ballroom dancing (random, i know) but all i'm saying is, did it ever cross your mind to do things, out of love?

okay, maybe that manuka honey cookie is out of love. yes i remember being super happy abt it because my boyfriend remembers that i love that cookie and saved one for me on flt.

and that's all it matters.
priority - you're now on the list.

i dont know if you're pressured by any of the above, i hope not.

you should know by now, how much this means to me and how much you mean to be.
everyone is amazed that i didnt fuss at all, i'm so cool headed.

i'm not cool headed, i've e worst temper and most emo creature ever.
but i choose not to fuss because i know you wouldnt be bothered by it.
your nonchalant always surprise me - ALWAYS.

have you ever wonder, i need someone to pamper me, giving me comfort?
yes i know God should be my ultimate comfort, but God made you the God-sent, so that you can comfort me. NO? - that is what i feel at least.

everyone is telling me how strong i am.
no, i am not strong, in fact i'm tired of putting on such a strong front.
i'm not as strong as you think i am, something that you really need to know.
i am so not. i'm still putting a front, because i dont know if you will still date me if i remove the masks.

besides pretending to be strong, i dont know what else can i do.
crying and fussing will only make the girlfriends worried and upset - one of the last thing i want to do.

what else can i do?
yes, i know God should be my ultimate comfort and pillar of support, but i needed you to be my comfort and pillar also.

isnt that what r/s are for? being each others' comfort and support? being there through thick and thin, but now, you decided to let me deal with my insecurities myself.

you know how hurtful your words are, sometimes?

i want this to work, and i'm hoping & praying that it will work.
but i dont know how to make this work, when both of our expectations are so different, the way we handle r/s is so different...

do you still have faith in this relationship?
i'm going to spend my eternal life with God - yes.
i'm praying that you're e one whom i'll spend e rest of my life with.

are we, on the same page?

to me, it is still 'I' and not 'US' from you.
being in it all, is abt being 'US' no?

(cant help but ask God if that's it. is my happiness that short-live. i'm dreading the thought of falling and getting bruised. picking myself up again and wonder when will i fall again and if i will fall for the right person. every time a r/s fail, i die a little in me...)

i feel that it doesnt matter if this will work out for you. because it's is not impt to you, that's why you can just turnaround and expect the next better girl.

all i need from you is "no, i wont let you go, no matter what, we'll make it work together (forever, HAHA!)"

--
"because a guy like you is impossible to find, you're impossible to find"
i guess being in a r/s is a lot harder than you expect, are you ready and still willing to do it with me?

because i still believe you are God-sent.
or if not, God, please give me a sign.
AMEN.

2011-08-28T23:53:00.002+08:00

i dont need you to agree, most importantly, i need you to understand.
i need you to know how much this mean to me, and its importance.

2011-08-28T18:15:00.002+08:00

let me have this space to myself for awhile.

--
do i really want to spend e rest of my life with someone who doesnt comfort or love me the way i want it?
and yes, it is really impt to me.

feeling tired.
really drained.

on a lighter note, maybe this relationship is to tell me that i shouldnt have false hope on relationship and probably love.

needy.
special needs.

2011-08-27T22:00:00.003+08:00

i understand the concept that if jerms and i didnt work out, it just means that i've a better someone out there for me.

but, jerms is the guy whom i want to spend e rest of my life with.
yes, he is.

and i hope he is.
and i hope he's thinking the same.

2011-08-27T02:17:00.000+08:00

Tired.
Will be back soon. I hope.

2011-08-26T02:42:00.003+08:00

Last night in Taipei.
Having mixed feelings - Thank God i have e awesome-est travel khakis.

Through this trip, i found that i dont want to be independent sometimes. It's nice that i've dar to rely on when it comes to planning and asking for directions and e bf for lugging my bags.
Through this trip, i found out that dar's e only person can chase away my morning crankiness and top on my list to go on a trip with.

One word - blessed.
Blog more when i'm home.

2011-08-24T01:21:00.002+08:00

my 18th birthday 2011...

thank you boyfriend, for the love and patience.
thank you dar, for being close to heart.

thank you God, for the blessings and blessings to come.
AMEN.

2011-08-21T00:00:00.003+08:00

unconditional love...

is when my knight jagar my luggage on the cab when i go to work.
is when i get to spend the few minute extra time while my knight walk me to 'work'.
is when my knight stays up and wait to see that i'm home safely after flt before going to bed.
is when my knight makes sure that my tummy is filled when i'm home aft flt.
is when my knight spends time in the kitchen, making my favourite hock chew dishes on my off days.
is when my knight is willing to help me with my laundry when i'm tired from work

is my dad.
my knight in shiny amour

we're 2 stubborn creatures, so when we fight, it's hell.
but i know my dad loves me, and maybe a little more than he loves the sister (being honest, even mum says so every time)

had one of those conversations with my dad regarding flying. he asked if there's opportunity to move up. of course there is, but i dont think i'm capable yet. i told him stories - the good ones vs the bad ones vs the ones who didnt stand up for me when i was 'abused' by pax.

he was mad and upset that a pax can make me cry.
i laughed. i knew he was going to be upset.

not yet, because i dont want to be a member on the 'incompetent csm' list.
bot yet, because i dont want to be another 'authority driven' csm.
or maybe, because i still want want to do flt with my boyfriend (TEE HEE HEE!!)

and so, he urged me to consider staying on ground, then he added.
"i only see you how days a month? and when u're gone, u're gone for 9 days straight. i dont even see you!"

times like this, i really want leave flying, because of his unconditional love. and because i know he would much prefer for me to spend time with him.

but then again, i dont exactly have to leave flying, all i have to do is be a cabin mgr, all the 3 days trip, i think my dad will get sick of me being at home.

and my heartless mum added on 'if you're not staying on ground, we're renting out your room' - see! i told you my dad loves me more!

he told me to consider, since my 2nd yr is up next month.
i told him i will, i promised him i will.

and they always say '女儿是老爸的前世情人!'
=)

and then we gossiped abt the sis' bf, then he said when my sis get married, he's only left with me *teary eyes*

then i told him, i will definitely marry a guy who will treat him like his own dad. ta-dah! my dad wont be emo that all his daughters are someone else', he will then have a son.

i very sweet, i know.

--
i will always remember how i called home crying (for whatever reason) and my dad will tell me to pack my bags and come home there and then.

i guess i take after him- very garang, stubborn, not exactly one who'll give up so easily. that's why i survive till now. so proud of myself! if not for the fact that i'm egoistic and the urge to prove the individuals who thought that i cant make it, i would have left on many occasions, long time ago.

but then again, if i listened to my dad and leave, i wouldnt have met my awesome boyfriend (yes, must include him somehow or rather) but then again, he might say that he met me when i first join the coy and all.

--
the most impt man on earth in my life.
my knight.

boyfriend tan MIGHT be next on the list.
MAYBE.

--
next impt question, which stuffie shld i bring to TPE?
i know lub lub (and a few others) will be screaming at me if i'm going to bring chippy - because after hearing the story, they think that chippy shld be thrown away. so heartless!

and plus chippy went to tpe already, maybe it's time for e rest.
must take turns!

i'm torn btw my stuffies. how?
=(

2011-08-18T23:46:00.002+08:00

being on long trip, i realise, i've been missing boyfriend tan ALOT!
happiness is seeing my boyfriend at the gate, waiting for me to disembark. really wasnt expecting that!

i'm still grinning to myself.
simple things like this makes me happy. feeling really blessed =)

Crew: Wah, on leave so many days go where?
Me: TAIPEEEIII!
Crew: eh, why you also go taipei, he (pointing at jerms) also going taipei?
Jerms: because we are going together!

and yes, willingness to make statements like that makes me happy too!

--
birthday list. i have been doing lists for the past few years, hoping that santa will deliver them to me as advanced birthday presents - ok, honestly, more of i just want to list my unlimited wants.

1) Swarovski Match Bracelet

this is love at first sight. and everyone knows how i love bracelet. but getting this from the retail shop here is ridiculous. maybe i shld ask the bf to see if he can get it from HNL (yes, he's rostered for it! SO UNFAIR!)

2) Hello Kitty Cabin bag

this is purely for the fact that i'm a fan of the mouthless kitty (SO SUE ME!)

3) Hello Kitty Pink Bow Crystalline Ballpoint Pen

no one can resist this pretty pen. NO ONE. and i will chop off the fingers of any pax who insist on borrowing this pen on board.

4) a new berry

because my current one is dying on me and no, i dont want an iphone. thank you very much

and... that random dress or shoes at the shops.
maybe, i dont need santa, all i need is a sugar daddy.

--
i know everyone is thinking how awkward the upcoming trip might be. but again, who gets to spend their birthday in TPE with 2 of the impt people in her life?

ME. ANGELA HOO.
very blessed, i know.
=)

and i cant imagine we have nothing on the itinerary, other than visiting hello kitty cafe and the bf's restaurant and ktv. nothing. we have nothing else on the list.

hmmm....

--
lousy roster for the month of sept, i'm not going to think abt it for the next 13 days. will deal with it as it comes i guess.

SIGH!

been hanging out with crew quite often, the boyfriend must be feeling very happy abt it.
but that also means that i've been drinking quite a bit - i know, i said to detox.
i will! soon!

and to the boyfriend - i'm really thankful that i'm attached to a guy who doesnt mind me drinking and in fact encourages me to drink. the trust you have in me always leave me speechless. THANK YOU again!

i guess it's because he knows how well i can hold my liquor quite well and whoever wants to make me drunk will probably end up on the floor first.
OPPPPPPSSS!

--
someone mention that he can see that jerms is really putting effort into this r/s. question - do people see my efforts too?

being insecure and skeptical abt love and r/s doesnt mean that i'm not trying. right? i appreciate my friends' caring but sometimes, i wish those people can see things from my point.

jerms is a gem, everyone knows that, but honestly, how many of those people understand my insecurities? i suppose, only that few girlfriends. because they saw how torn i was and how hard i've been trying to be happy for the past 4 years. and how many jerks i have dated (LOL!)

so my pt is, dont give me the 'talk' when you dont even understand me.
appreciate your kindness, really do.
leave me alone if i have to put it bluntly.

and i think i've the 'i'm demanding' look, because i've been told not to demand and have expectations.

because of we get disappointment, we learn not to have expectations.
but if a r/s doesnt have any expectations, that isn't much of a r/s.
right?

having expectations, doesnt necessary mean that one shld be demanding.
and for the record, i am not demanding (at least i think i am not, maybe i got to check with the bf)

i dont know how long this r/s will last, i'm walking gingerly since day 1 making sure that i wont screw things up again. making sure that i dont make the same mistakes twice. sometimes i feel so tired, upset that i'm somehow not myself.

even the closer ones say so - 'you're different when jerms is around'

boyfriend tan:
i dont know how to put it across to let you know how much you mean to me. and as always, i hope i mean as much to you...

--
friends are those who listen to my whining and not snap. someone snapped at me for whining abt y horrid roster and i'm feeling hurt.

let it go i know, but shldnt friends be more understanding?
=S

and so anyways, i'm utterly happy to be on leave!
can't wait for the boyfriend to be back though.

I MISSSSSSSS YOU!
alot!

2011-08-16T10:20:00.002+08:00

i wanted to blog proper, but i'm a lil lazy.
cant wait to be home on thurs, and i'm going on leave. *YAYNESS*

hotels booked, flts booked.
cant wait, cant wait, cant wait.

till then, dont miss me people.

2011-08-10T00:31:00.002+08:00

MY NDP 2011.

i still remember how i always have tickets for the parade every year, because of bestie. and that's prob the only day when i feel the love for my nation. and because i love fireworks. i used to have the someone to bring me out on this day to watch fireworks.

i miss fireworks.

and so anyways, am glad that i'm home on a public hols. met up with @maddienator and @kathsentials for dinner and the boyfriend came after.

boyfriend and girlfriends.
i have e best of both worlds.

p/s: looking at the polariods, i'm indeed rounder. SIAO LIAO!

i love august.
because it's e birthday month and with the fireworks, feels like it's for me (i know, stop rolling your eyes)

--
were talking abt how some couples can tahan not meeting up for a mth and maddie commented that those in LDR will hate those couple. actually, i feel like one of those in LDR.

these couple can easily arrange for short dinner, in between their busy schedule. there are some days when i would like to meet the bf randomly but he can be 2032864239820938029384 miles away with 1/2/4 hrs time difference.

and yes, feeling a little emo.

i'm always always thankful for the time spent tog, no matter how short. and and and, for his efforts. like for eg, how he's willing to meet me (and the gfs) for dinner today, after the long flt hours.

he's one awesome guy.

then it hit me, what if things dont work out and it actually scares me that it might actually happen. i of course know the theory abt being able to grow stronger after a heartache and how i can survive very well even if he dumps me, my pt is...

i want it to work. i really do.
i've actually fallen in love again, no matter how hard i'm trying not to.
i have, fallen.
and, the love is actually getting stronger day by day.

i need to know that this is worth the risk.
the leap of faith.

thank you boyfriend, really looking forward to TPE.
9 more days to annual leave.

i hate to pack but i need to do it.
sigh.

2011-08-06T01:21:00.002+08:00

Grace.
comes with empowerment.

went FOP today with the boyfriend =) i'm actually glad that i UFD because FOP is awesome! 10,000 people coming today for one purpose. very very very nice! didnt regret it.

or maybe until this pt when i know that i'm XAV for AKL tml. everyone knows how i hate AKL, and that was my original flt. i swap with this crew, and then she ufd for it. so now i'm back.

ok, more of i dont regret ufd-ing, i regret swapping.
but then what is done is done la huh.

hang in there MS HOO, TPE waiting for you at the end of the month!
i c a n t w a i t!

and so, FOP today hit a few notes in me.

the greatest decision i made in life, i made it 11 years ago.
i'm very very very thankful.
HE led me out of one downcast to another, placing blessings and blessings in my life. be it work, be it relationships, i had one breakthrough after another.

the last 11 years wasn't smooth sailing, but HE gave me opportunities to know that nothing is impossible in HIM, and in HIM i grow.

like how many will doubt my capabilities to survive being a crew - i made it and am still doing it.
like how i feel that i will never fall really in love again - guess who is in my life now.
like how i felt it was the end of the world when lionel left - my girlfriends are my best support ever.

simple blessings,
and i have many things to be thankful for.

grace. grace. grace.

and guys, please remember: when a girl decided to fall for you, it means that she is 'ignoring' all e other guys and giving her heart to you.

she, gave her heart to you.
please remember. and therefore, do not break her heart.

--
i mentioned on tumblr, maybe i shld say it again...

man who knows what they want and takes up leadership role well always attract me. being a leader doesnt mean that the pushy kind, more of a man who's willing to take responsibilities and plays the role well. my boyfriend tan is definitely one of them.

it was during the crew briefing for the flt mel-sin that hit me, wah! my boyfriend so attractive, no wonder he's always being stalked by other crew! i wasnt (honestly) paying attention to what he was saying. i looked at him and thank God that this man is mine. he took my breath and heart away (so to speak)

*big grin*

i know i can be so skeptical abt relationship and being in love. i have so many things that i'm worried abt and i really hate uncertainties and have the fear in me that i'll get dumped. but but but, when i see the certainties in his eyes, i know. i'm thinking far too much.

thank you boyfriend.
you'll always be my gem.

love is, no matter how hard it is to love me and be with me, you still do.
love is, no matter how misfit we are, we still try to fit.
love is, taking the leap of faith.

love is.
you.

2011-08-04T23:27:00.003+08:00

UFD.
feeling really lethargic, i cant even bring myself to pack my bags, not to say report for the horrid flts.

sorry, that's just me.

--
our 2nd month.
was spent on the flt back from mel with a witch.
gosh, i would have fake it anytime, any flt, with any other crew. but not to her. i guess the bf could see it throughout the flt.

i know the whole concept abt tolerance, esp in my line of work.
there are always limit. friends who know me understands my fiery temper. i will tolerate, i will try, but there are some people who dont deserve it.

yes yes, Angela has got bad temper.
that's why mummy always say, dont mess with the Hoo sisters.

and so anyways.
i got to have flt with the bf. tee hee hee.
5th flt tog, first as a couple. and thank God it's him on flt, i got to be further away from the witch, but of course that didnt stop her from irritating us.

my boyfriend.
he sleeps in total darkness and he snores.
talk abt getting used to him.

i sleep with night light, it's my habit and yes habit since young and i didnt outgrow that. i cant and dont sleep in TOTAL darkness, even at home. so the moment he draw the curtains and off e nights, i went 'oh ok.........'

and then snoring. not that he snored throughout the night but he does snore. i almost killed him (KIDDING!) and wanted to just head back to my room in e middle of the night. but it wasn't that bad overall i guess.

and for him, i bet he is cursing and swearing when i woke up that early to prepare for flt.
hello, i'm a girl. skincare + makeup + hair takes time. but i dont think he understands that yet (SIGH...)

having said that, it wasnt that bad.
we went out for late lunch, had yummy kripsy kreme and hot choco, went out with other crew. Thank God it happened =)

we had the conversation before, he wasnt so keen to be on the same flt, and as for me, being on the same flt means we get more time tog. with our rubbish roster, any extra time is a blessing.

so to my boyfriend tan: i hope, the 3 days did make u change your mind a little abt things.

--
i think i'm a champion.
i actually came back from flt, and hanged out the whole night.

too much for my body to handle, got a very bad headache today.
really, i'm getting old.

and and and i finally got to wear the mambo jumbo tee that the bf got for me.
*grins*

--
since the relationship started, people have been asking, esp the ones at work. i didnt mention it to alot of them because they dont really have to know. so it came to a pt when quite a few of them know i'm dating but didnt know that it's jerms and they were surprised.

they always thought that my bf is someone not in the company. and i've been hearing things that i might have 2 bfs. HELLO?! how gossip-y can people get.

get a life.
if i have 2 bfs, i wouldn't be so stupid and let the whole world know.
-.-

let it go, i know.

and then, the part abt me not hanging out with e crew.
boyfriend is the sociable one, i'm not. i tend to stick to people whom i know well and yes, it is always the same few that i hang out with.

it's personal preference. something that the bf shld note also.
i dont want to PR aft flt, and honestly, there's nothing to PR. i spent easily 10 hours with you on flt, do i really have to spend another 1 to 2 hrs during meal times with you?

i dont think so.

ash said, because the people dont know me, that's why they make stupid comments.
bingo, dont make any comments abt me and my social life when you dont even know me. and say if today my bf is not jerms, will people bother whether i hang out with them?

so seriously, what is the frigging problem?
*roll eyes*

so next time if someone ask me to go for meals after flt instead of the usual excuse 'i might want to sleep in' maybe i shld say 'i'm not joining because i dont like your face' - it will shut them up right?

yes, dont pushed me too far.
i will and am capable of making nasty comments.

--
your hands in mine.
sometimes i cant wipe the silly grins on my face because i'm feeling so in love. feeling really great that i have an awesome bf.

'we will make it work' - the statement you made 2 mths ago.
i hope, the determination, is still as strong...

2011-08-01T01:07:00.003+08:00

my favourite HOI.
someone who i can have local delights with beer.
someone who i can share everything in the world.
someone who i trust.
someone who listens.
someone who laughs along with me.
my favourite HOI.

willing to dump the bf for her anytime and i mean it.
precious someone i found at work.
=)

we landed in SIN on saturday, changed and had dinner at the AP (boring but is the most convenient place). found a little corner which serves dinner and drinks - 2 very happy ladies.

and so, we went out again today. introduced her to the IPL place. and then dinner with drinks (yes, again) and then yummy deserts.

i love my life.
i love my favourite HOI.

we both decided to detox. so no alcohol for 90 days! because we figured we wont meet each other for the longest time again. so no khaki = no drinks.

--
So take courage! For i believe God. It will be just as he said.
- Acts 27:25

stayed at home and had CHC service through live streaming (i know, laziness got into me and i shouldn't be doing that, so dont go into it)

Ps Phil Pringle is an awesome preacher, very engaging. I LIKE!
"Devil has schemes, God has plans" - AMEN!

i have alot to think about, about courage and faith.
how can i say i have faith when i cant trust myself to be in a relationship?
dont get me wrong, the bf didnt do anything (or maybe it's the things that he didnt do....)

maybe it's the HTHT with ash for 2 consecutive days. it stirred many thoughts within me.
good and bad i guess.

maybe i'm happier w/o jerms.
as in i was happy back then being singular, and i can be happy too, if it didnt work out the way i want it to be.

it's hard to find guys nowadays who are willing to commit.
it's even harder to find guy with the same level of commitment.
i suppose, that's why many are still single.

not the perfect guy, but the perfect fit - i told jerms just the other day.
love me the way i want to be love.

i cant emphasize in words how nice jerms is, my absolute gem.
but, there's always a but in me.

my past experience shaped me.
good and bad again.
i know what i want and what i dont want and somehow i have expectations.

they say you shouldnt have expectations, in relationship. so you wont have disappointment.
maybe it's just not to me NOT to have any expectations.

it doesnt take one long to figure that how much my gf means to me.
because i know myself that it's hard for me to build friendships or in this case, girl-friendship. so once i found one, i will go all out to keep them.

but when it comes to love, i have a different mindset.
because guys can come and go, girlfriends stay. no matter what. and because girlfriends know me better than any guy.

guys can easily fall in love with someone else, get distracted and be tempted.
girlfriends dont. they have such high level of tolerance which i guess guys dont have.

eg: the other day when i had a fight with mum. i called the girlfrend and cried and wifey know me so well that HTHT at players will make me feel better. when jerms called, i didnt explain much. that's how much i tell the girlfriend, and how much i tell jerms.

i can whine to my gf 24/7, they prob wont shut me up (not that jerms did that to me, i'm saying it just in case) and talking to them always comfort me. ALWAYS.

i'm not saying that jerms is not impt.
he is. still.
my pt being - gfs stay. jerms might not.

and because i'm so used to being spoilt, i'm still trying to adapt to his way of loving me.
still trying.
still trying.

are you trying as hard?
am i as impt to you as you are to me?
do you want this as bad as i want it?
am i your priority?
how much do i mean to you?

i need the assurance that all my random thoughts are what they are - silly random thoughts
i need the assurance that we will hang in there.
i need the assurance that it's all worth it.

--
side note:

T.T
dad asked if i got into fight. HUR! he is always upset that i come back with bruises. he always say i'm there to work, not to get injured.

"tsk tsk"

and and and! i saw this really nice bracelet at Swarovski Crystal! was tempted just to grab and go but ash (as usual) being the rational buyer told me to think abt it. and plus they are launching hello kitty ones end of aug! another birthday present for myself =)

been wanting to get another gold one to replace the one that i lost (and mummy told me because i lost it the cost of replacement shld be bore by me *pouts*)but gold prices so high now! nearing $70 for one unit. wah lau =(

sigh.
but but but, i really like the Swarovski one and the kitty ones of course!
come to me baby!
=)

2011-07-28T19:23:00.000+08:00

Today, I told God the same prayer. I hope that you'll be the one that makes me thank all the guys who left.

2011-07-26T20:47:00.002+08:00

got this from the boyfriend's blog (yes, he does blog)
straight to the pt, i could add a few more to it.

1. PAX WHO BORROW A PEN ON INTERNATIONAL FLIGHTS

This is my first point, and it's high up there because it happens on every single flight. EVERY SINGLE FLIGHT. It comes to a point where crew actually carry a few pens in their pockets for this reason itself. They can't bear to say no a passenger.

I've come to a point where I don't lend my pens to anyone anymore. The reason is simple - you don't bother to return it. So what happens when someone asks me for a pen? Just come up with excuses. Oh, another passenger has took mine already, sorry. What happens if they ask again? Oh, yeah the passenger didn't return my pen, I don't have a spare one. So next time you fly international, please pack a pen into that humongous cabin bag of yours!

i dont lend pens either, because i carry around nice pens. currently 'the love you' one - super cute i know. sometime back wifey got me an "ANGELA" pen. tmd, someone actually didnt return it. hello? ur name also angela ah? if you have a crush on me, i give u my number (or the bf's one) but taking my pen is (#&)$(*#)*$#*&$)#(&$)#&$&

2. PAX WHO DON'T CLOSE OVERHEAD LOCKERS

Look, you open the lockers to take your bag, don't expect me to close it for you. If everything expects this, we'll be porters throughout the whole flight. So have a bit of courtesy and just close the lockers after you have used it. Worst case scenario, you leave the lockers open, there's a gigantic bag in there that weight 20kg which comes hurling at you during turbulence, in the end you die. So, in the end you still lose. Don't be lazy!

esp for vertically challenge crew like me. can you be anymore inconsiderate?

3. PAX WHO TAP ME ON THE SHOULDER

If you want my attention, there's a call bell in every row. You can press the bell like long john silvers 20 times if you like, but bloody hell, don't touch me! I absolutely hate it, and chances are, you won't get served this way! It's rude, and we have female cabin crew and I certainly don't think they like being touched by strangers from around the world! So stop tapping me and stay in your seat and play your tap tap revenge!

i have got passengers tapping me on my butt, arms, legs. enough ok.

4. PAX WHO DON'T LOCK THE TOILET DOOR

Yes I did blog about this a while ago, giving a step-by-step tutorial on how to lock toilet doors. Perhaps this should be printed on all boarding passes because I still experience it every day!

it irritates me more when pax dont flush the toilets, but considerate la HELLO?!

5. PAX WHO TRY AND DECEIVE ME IN NOT TURNING OFF DEVICES

I think it's no surprise that 99% of the world uses an iphone now. Therefore, dear passengers, chances are, I'm not in that 1%. Therefore, dear passengers, locking your iphone is NOT turning off your iphone. Because I have an iphone too! Hold the power button and slide the red bar. DO IT NOW OR GET OFF THE PLANE!

i'm the 1%. HAHA! but then, i'm not stupid either. i hate it especially when pax say 'i'm turning it off now' and they are still texting. HELLO? u dont understand the meaning 'NOW' or u think i'm bimbo and not know what 'NOW' means?

a note to all travelers (frequent flyers or not):
DONT BE AN ASS, i dont turn into harry potter at 35,000 ft. i'm trained for your safety, not to solve your technical issues. sorry to say, i cant fixed the broken light/seat/whatever nots.

oh and i'm not a walking rubbish bin. we make PAs for rubbish collection. you dont come when the seat belt sign is switched on then u stuff it to me. and abt seat belt sign, if it's ON, it's ON. including your kids and infants. i'm always surprised at how some parents ignore the seat belt sign and let their kids run around. you want to break your kids' arms, dont do it onboard, dont bo-dai-bo-chi give us trouble.

yes, i'm sounding anal because being in this industry for 20odd mths, i've seen and encounter ALOT.

--
the outing with misfits sometime back
=)

and i'm currently into....

yes polariods!
and yes, kitty ones! even my cam has my fav printed on it. unnecessary, but i feel good. SO SUE ME! ;P

--

i miss my boyfriend.
i have been talking abt him alot, i know.
but that's what happens when you fall in love isnt it?

my boyfriend has alot to learn.
esp like when i say nothing is wrong but i have a million thoughts on my mind
esp like when i say dont want/no need, when i actually dont mean it
esp, esp, esp...

but one thing for sure when i say that i miss him, i really mean it.
or when i say that i love him, i mean it too.
or when i say he's a gem, he truly is.

we have our hiccups and i'm sure there are more to come...
we'll make it work, because you make the journey worthwhile, and because most imptly, you're God-sent
=)

--
my favourite girlfriend is on her way to atlanta now, being a kid with separation anxiety, i'm feeling a little lost
=(

no one to whine to and bitch abt.
no one to listen, no one to be around for random drinking nights and meals out.

sigh.
i need to find another drinking khaki...

1) who will always take care of me (and of course i will take care of her) when we have nights out
2) who will order beer because i like it (even though she might prefer spirits)
3) who will get equally crazy when we have nights out.
4) who will, be totally like eve.

i know, not possible.
big sigh, maybe i wont have crazy drinking session (think 24 jugs of vodka) for awhile...
=(

2011-07-24T02:48:00.002+08:00

终于做了这个决定
别人怎么说我不理
只要你也一样的肯定
我愿意天涯海角都随你去
我知道一切不容易
我的心一直温习说服自己
最怕你忽然说要放弃

爱真的需要勇气
来面对流言蜚语
只要你一个眼神肯定
我的爱就有意义
我们都需要勇气
去相信会在一起
人潮拥挤我能感觉你
放在我手心里你的真心

如果我的坚强任性
会不小心伤害了你
你能不能温柔提醒
我虽然心太急
更害怕错过你

爱真的需要勇气
来面对流言蜚语
只要你一个眼神肯定
我的爱就有意义
我们都需要勇气
去相信会在一起
人潮拥挤我能感觉你
放在我手心里你的真心

我無法幫你預言　委曲求全有沒有用
可是我多麼不捨　朋友愛得那麼苦痛
愛可以不問對錯　至少要喜悅感動
如果他總為別人撐傘　妳何苦非為他等在雨中

泡咖啡讓妳暖手　想擋擋妳心口裡的風
妳卻想上街走走　吹吹冷風會清醒的多
妳說妳不怕分手　只有點遺憾難過
情人節就要來了　剩自己一個
其實愛對了人　情人節每天都過

分手快樂　祝妳快樂　妳可以找到更好的
不想過冬　厭倦沉重　就飛去熱帶的島嶼游泳
分手快樂　請妳快樂　揮別錯的才能和對的相逢
離開舊愛　像坐慢車　看透徹了心就會是晴朗的
沒人能把誰的幸福沒收　你發誓你會活得有笑容
(你自信時候真的美多了)

--
2 my favourite emo songs.
and yes i went to her concert thanks to dar's mum for the complimentary tickets.

having many random thoughts yet again.
BIG SIGH.

can i dont go to work tomorrow?

Comes the Dawn

2011-07-22T20:27:00.002+08:00

Comes the Dawn
Author: Veronica A. Shoffstall

After a while you learn the subtle difference
Between holding a hand and chaining a soul,
And you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning
And company doesn’t mean security,
And you begin to learn that kisses aren’t contracts
And presents aren’t promises,
And you begin to accept your defeats
With your head up and your eyes open
With the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child,
And you learn to build all your roads on today,
Because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans,
And futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.
After a while you learn
That even sunshine burns if you get too much.
So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul,
Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure...
That you really are strong,
And you really do have worth.
And you learn and learn...
With every goodbye you learn.

sad truth abt relationships i guess.
it took me quite some time to get back on my feet, now i dont know if i made e right choice to trust someone and fall in love.

boyfriend tan is still awesome. i'm e un-awesome one.
we had one of 'those' conversations again, he's really an angel. no doubts abt that.

question, question, question...
'will it last? and how long will it last?'

i know by jumping into the r/s, i should welcome gossips throughout the company. and by changing my profile pic, i shld be ready for what's coming.

maybe, i'm not ready.
maybe, i'm dont even know when i'll be ready for anything.

i just want to date peacefully. can?
i know my friends are really happy for me, that's all it matters to me. so what's with all the friends request(esp pple from the coy)?

go away. for now. thank you.

imagine.
right from the hotel lobby, people asked if the 'change' in my profile pic is real. then, others have to comment 'people got bf already what', then rest not on fb start to ask who, what, when, how, why.

when they finally figured out, they start the...
'is it jermaine? is it jermaine? is it jermaine?'

dont get me wrong. i'm happily in love, but it's irritating people starting the 'is it jermaine' for 8 hrs.

FINE, it is Mr Tan, yes.
happy?

NO LEI!
they start to ask why, when, blah blah blah.
maybe i shld write a book, and then sell it to earn some money.

--
we're happily dating, that's all you need to know.
full stop.

and yes, i'm glad that i found him. please go tell Jerms that he's blessed to have me as a girlfriend also. thank you very much.

*deep breaths*

--
on a totally different issue.
i kept quiet for the longest time, esp aft that incident when u accused me and try to ruin friendship.

the rest gave u benefit of the doubts. still.
sorry, i dont. because u simply dont deserve it.

for the record, your relationship fail because you didnt treasure it. so what's e pt of crying over spilled milk now? doing all the things that ought to be done when u were dating her now. guys -.-

girls can be really soft hearted.
but if we make up our mind on something, we can turn really bitchy.

DONT EVER point your finger at ANY of us.
PERIOD.

and please stop lying, we're your friends (or we used to be).
u ruined your own r/s.
u ruined the friendships too.

--
ok, bye bye.
waiting for my beer nights out.

2011-07-15T00:07:00.003+08:00

many pictures.
i love the many many off days, if you know my roster well, it's always a day here or two, but i have 4 days in SIN in a row.
HIAK HIAK!

and, all awesome 4 days, i have my boyfriend and awesome girlfriends.
very blessed. i know.

as usual, pictures are all over the place because i'm too lazy to sort it out.

--
on wed, i went for Lion King.
VERY NICE! must watch!

coming from a not very arty farty me - the only theatre stuff that i watched or want to watch are dance stuff (think Ballet Under the Stars) so this is something new for me.

i enjoyed it! thank you boyfriend for the bringing me, and i hope more to come
=)

that's us. i look so tiny.

one of the fav pic from wed night! i look so happy i know - because i truly am
=)

then we went to zouk. hello to yummy mock and cocktails

i look red here, i think it's e lighting. definitely not the drinks, because i dont get red by drinking - ask any of the drinking khakis, i'm not kidding.

and the mambo kings.

--
and my tuesday.
Relish with POEPS.

the butterfish is yummy, both the seafood and hey bee hiam pasta is good, and their chicken wings come with awesome spicy sauce.

it's always -1 nowadays, this time round ali is busy with work

honeydew beer is really nice! i'm going to source for it when i'm in TPE next mth

my favourite wifey!

the wacky action bedek! =)

--
same place, same route, with a different person.
couldnt really explain how i'm feeling, although there are still times when i wonder how would things be if it didnt turn sour.

but having said that, i'm happy now.
i was happy then and i'm happy now, i guess that's all it matters.

still learning, still coping.
the boyfriend always say he wants me to be happy. but till now, i dont really know what makes him happy.

and chances are he'll say 'i'm happy with e things as it is now'
so maybe the question will be, what will make him happier?

i dont know where we are going, i dont know if we will go there far.
did i mention that i'm afraid of uncertainties?
but i'm praying, holding onto the tiny hope, it will work.

it has always been abt me, because the friends around have been spoiling me.
now it's abt you and me.

i need to know that this is worth my everything, and to let you know, it's worth your every effort too.

i dont know what's on your mind, there are times when i wish i know.
because i hate the guessing game.

--
你是我最重要的決定
我願意每天在你身邊甦醒
就連吵架也很過癮不會冷冰
因為真愛沒有輸贏只有親密

你是我最重要的決定
我願意打破對未知的恐懼
就算流淚也能放晴將心比心
因為幸福沒有捷徑只有經營

2011-07-14T11:47:00.002+08:00

my blessings...

had brunch at Riders with eve...

dinner at relish with POEPS (minus ali)

Lion King with the bf - i love this photo if not for my shaky hands.

--
awesome off days, will blog in detail soon.
harry potter tonight!

but before that my IFT exam.
=s